Top 10 Ways to Improve your Public Speaking

Just a few tips is all.

Before you do anything TURN YOUR CELL PHONE OFF!

1. NEVER imagine your audience naked. If you’re a guy you’ll get an erection and embarrass yourself, if you’re a lady you’ll see a naked man you can’t unsee. Imagine instead that you’re talking to close friends who love you and support you and would never use any mistake against you. Yeah… Imagine that.

2. Whatever Hitler did for public speaking…. DO THAT…. (without the racism and hand gestures and trying to take over the world, but mostly the hand gestures)

3. Don’t eat gassy foods before a speech. Actually don’t eat at all.

4. Don’t drink and speak… Trust me you don’t sound smart. Contrary to what your brain is telling you.

5. If you feel nervous, don’t worry that’s natural. Everyone gets nervous, some people are better at hiding it.

6. What is your bladder control like? Do you get so nervous you might piss yourself? Try some adult diapers just in case. I wear them all the time (Buy the slender size no one will notice any bulges down there.)

7. Calculators, pencils, laser pointers and large books all make you look smart, so use them as a self confidence booster.

8. I like to start off my speeches with a joke, go to google and search “Jokes to start meetings with.” ALSO- I like to end my speeches with a quote, go to google and search, “quotes to end speeches by smart people.”

9. Umms, ahs, likes,  and ers are filler words and are the like, um, the devil… So just er, don’t say ummm… them. OK? ASSHOLE! (sorry)

10. If all else fails, be attractive. People will have something good to look at while you fumble around, AND people will forgive you for messing up if you are.