In order for this blog post to work, imagine the nerdiest skinniest guy yelling these at you from behind a computer.
- You’re the kind of Asshole who gets excited about and shares that Youtube video we all saw 3 years ago.
- You’re the Myspace of People.
- Your brain thinks at the speed of Dial-up.
- You thought Facebook was the place where they put mugshots on the internet.
- You don’t need a boyfriend, Pinterest will be your boyfriend.
- Every internet dating site you’ve tried has forced you to move and change your identity only because you don’t turn down anyone on the internet.
- You sexted yourself.
- You click on all the internet ads because “hot singles really do want to talk to you.”
- You started a blog about beanie babies last year. The blog has at least one confirmed visit. (accidental)
- Your Smart Phone is smarter than you.
- You secretly want to get freshly pressed, and by freshly pressed I am of course talking about a significant other freshly pressing you into his/her body in the real world. Sorry Its not going to happen.
- I’d call you but you have a car phone, a wall phone and a DICK-taphone stuck in your ear.
Hilarious post!
Thanks!
You mean hot singles DON’T really want to talk to me? FML…
I knew it had to be too good to be true. I knew being 45 years old, fat, and wearing old boxer shorts and a Motley Crue t-shirt with Cheeto fingerprints on it wasn’t going to be horndog web-cam gold.
You know what? At the very least what you described sounds hilarious…. So you have that going for you.
I’ve always said pathetic = hilarious.
but too pathetic = sad… And thats not funny. The cheeto stains are what did it for me as far as funny goes.
Very funny, love it.
Thanks!
T H I S
Hilarious. Except I’m secretly mortified because I have always suspected my Smart Phone is, indeed, smarter than I am.
In my defense, it’s REALLY smart.
Katie, whatever you do DON’T TELL YOUR SMARTPHONE THAT! Don’t even let it suspect that ok?
Uh-oh. It just read what you said….and now I’m afraid.
hahaha… now I can hear the dial up in my thought processes..
toooot…chhhhiinngg…..toot tooot toooot…..
nowadays when my kid ask where are his socks.. I stare at him blankly and say..
loading…
…. loading…
…..loading….
hahahaha… means I find this funny right?
Hahaha! And he probably doesnt understand what that means!
Oh crap, I don’t know what a dick-taphone is… this guy would totally be able to insult me… sad day…
hahaha. I don’t think most people know what a dick-taphone is either but I just liked it because I emphasized the DICK part of it.
yeah so what is a dick-taphone anyway? I was wondering the same thing.
Its kind of like a recorder or a transcriber. http://i.imgur.com/6Lh7KCN.jpg
oh, haha. A dictaphone. Not a DICK-taphone. One letter makes all the difference, doesn’t it?
Yeah…. one letter. I just imagined you looking up DICKtaphone in google and I laughed heartily. HAHAHA
I admit NOTHING. LOL