I’ve made about 4 different posts of this nature, so why not another one? (What can I say? I like helping bored people out!)
1. On a crowded bus or airplane trip, peel of the band aid of recent scratch or owie. Turn to the person sitting next to you on the bus and say, “Please kiss my boo boo and make it better.” If they try to kiss it, pull back in horror and say, “EWWW Germs! I mean blow it a kiss.”
If they turn you down on your offer look at them and say quietly, “you passed the test.”
2. Buy one of these:
Buy an XXXXXXXL shirt to go with it. Wear the inner tube under your XXXXXXXL shirt and walk around in a china shop. TRY NOT TO BREAK ANYTHING.
3. Do you like alcohol or coffee? Are you pressed for time? POUR IT IN YOUR BUTT! Seriously, coffee or alcohol up the poop hole will cut the lag time in half. Allowing you your drug faster so you can get back to living your life.
4. *Only do the following if you have the proper tools and our so seriously bored you have nothing else to do.*
Cut all of the cords on any electrical appliance you own… REWIRE THEM ALL BACK TOGETHER. SHEER MADNESS I TELL YOU!
5a. For ladies, go to work or using public transportation with only ONE of your boobs exposed. You should be prepared for men to stare at your chest or other women to approach you with, “One of your boobs is exposed.”
5b. For guys take Hershey’s chocolate and squirt a little on the back of your pants (Pants you don’t care about ruining.) You should expect people to think you shat your pants and just don’t know. Be sure to exclaim loudly every five minutes, “WHATS THAT SMELL?!”
6. Do you live in a large city with tall skyscrapers?
Make a ton of paper airplanes, but before you throw them off the tallest sky scraper in your city, write a positive or uplifting note on them. such as:
- You’re pretty cool and people like you
- You are a good person with gifts to give the world
- You’ve got a cute butt
- Be nice to people
- You should smile more you cranky asshole
7. Make a ton of money using your skills in the stock market, bond trading, derivatives, shot selling and other devious means. When you’ve made a nice large sum, give it to me. A poor anonymous blogger like me could totally use it. (but who am I kidding, something tells me only other poor bloggers will be reading this.)
8. Chew one of these but don’t fully eat:
As you go about your day smile at lots and lots of people. Most will be horrified by your dark and grossly black mouth smiling back at them. Some will be amused.
9. Whenever someone tries talking to you, put these on:
Be sure to talk real loud while wearing them.