Your worst day never happens on the Apocalypse.


Have you ever had such a bad day… wait, let me start over, have you ever had such a horrible, shitty kneeling on the ground, hands clenched, face pointed to the sky screaming kind of day?… Well… I certainly… Never have one of…Those.

You see, we all have those days where our world is just crashing down around us and sometimes the only thing that would make our day better is if it’s ALSO THE END OF THE WORLD. Seriously! Think about it, imagine you worst day and you utter, “wow how can this day get any worse?” Well I’m here to tell you that it can happen! This is how I think it could happen.

I give you,

An Encyclopedia of Armageddon’s.

Zombie Apocalypse, We’ve all seen the movies, but if you are a crack shot and good at staying away from people then you have a superb chance at surviving. I don’t care how bad a day I’m having, if it’s also zombie apocalypse day I’ll probably forget the other bad stuff that’s happened and have some fun shooting… Undead people of course.

Alien Invasion Apocalypse, We aren’t alone in the universe, that much is true. (To support this I cite, Independence Day, War of the Worlds and Battle LA.) If Will Smith, Aaron Eckhart and Tom Cruise all band together we can stop whatever they throw at us.  FOR REALS. Well maybe not Tom Cruise, he ran away from the aliens because he was afraid.

Rapture Apocalypse, So understanding the rapture there are 3 things we need to reme- WAIT! A MINUTE! This is just silly! Hahaha no way the rapture is going to happen! Fool me once, shame on me…

Nuclear Apocalypse, To survive this kind of extinction all you need are two things, A life sustaining bunker with fresh water, food and sanitation so the radiation doesn’t kill you AND live in a 3rd world country that doesn’t have nuclear arms. So if you built your nuclear bunker in Guatemala and are eating heuvos rancheros, then I guess you’ll be ok.

The Flood Apocalypse, The polar ice caps melt and the entire world is covered in water, and you have to get to- WAIT A MINUTE. I’ve seen this movie before, Hmmm… I guess if humans are going to adapt and evolve to have gills to swim underwater well then no skin off my nose.

Meteor Apocalypse, The day the meteors kill the dinosaurs AGAIN. um, what can I say? The biggest fireworks show before you die. There isn’t any way you survive this. Look on the bright side, you’ll go out with a bang.

Firestorm Apocalypse, The day the world turns into a giant match head. um, what can I say? The biggest weenie roast before you die. There isn’t any way you survive this. Look on the bright side, you’ll go out staying nice and cozy. Besides, California will finally get what’s been coming to it. SMORES ANYONE?

If I forgot any please post them in the comments section! Thanks for reading.

Respectfully,      Moses.


About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
This entry was posted in Jobs, Life and the American Way and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Your worst day never happens on the Apocalypse.

  1. Lafemmeroar says:

    I’m living in a Zombie Apocalypse. Sometimes I feel like the living dead. Hilarious post!!!!!!

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