Dear Coffee, I love you Gurl.

Dear Coffee,

Hey girl, its been a while. Thought I’d drop you this note to tell you how much I adore you.

You’re my one and only, you know that right? I know there was that time I was drinking tea behind your back. Her name was Earl Grey, yeah it was probably a dude but I’m cool with that. I thought it was pronounced Ahrehl Grey which had this mystical sound to it. It might have been due to my dyslexia, Anyway that doesn’t matter because I still came back to your loving arms! Right? I threw away that Coke shirt, I haven’t had red bull in like 4 years. There was the time where you caught me drinking 5 hour energy. Those were some low times girl, low times. Luckily you got me out of them.

Nothing that small, and in a red packaged bottle can be good for you, plus I like my ladies like I like my coffee, warm and in mug with a large handle for my large hands. I hope that clears it up. Did I mention I like you brown, with some sugar and sweetness! I know I’m so bad! I’ll stop that naughty talk, I know you don’t like it.

You wanna meet at Starbucks tomorrow? Coffee bean? The grocery store? I mean, we keep bumping into each other ALL THE TIME. I can’t go anywhere without being reminded of you. Why they’re even selling you at Lowe’s Hardware now a days. You get around girl!…. I mean….. Theirs more of you to love! You don’t look fat in those jeans, I mean you don’t look fat with some fat free creamer and splenda.

Anyway girl, this is where the French say “Adeeyoo,” Which kinda sounds like “I’ll do you” If you say it real slow and with a southern accent. So yeah, I gotta get back to my laundary, and by laundary I mean hot mouth sex with you running over my teeth and gums ending up in my stomach. I AM SO BAD! I love you Coffee. There I said it. The “L” word.

Yours faithfully,


PS lets get married.


About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
This entry was posted in Dear Something or Other and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Dear Coffee, I love you Gurl.

  1. Wow, I love coffee too … Does that mean I’m a lesbian? šŸ˜‰ I’m OK with that.

  2. Jeanna says:

    omg, I loved this post lol, it cracked me up and made me go to my dear Keirug and demand a hot cup of JAVA right now!!!

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