This is what hell is


You have been really really bad.

When reading these, just end every sentence with, “FOR ALL OF ETERNITY” makes it seem more harsh.

  • Hell is, getting your 72 virgins and discovering that you don’t have a penis.
  • Hell is, finding out that the only thing you have to eat are pixie stix.
  • Hell is, having badly chaffed thighs walking up to your car after a long hike, only to discover that you left your car keys somewhere on the trail.
  • Hell is, only having floss to wipe your ass with.
  • Hell is, having to go to the bathroom really bad and just as a child exits the elevator he presses all the other floors before your exit.
  • Hell is, being arrested for speeding in Tijuana Mexico. Well being arrested for anything in Mexico.
  • Hell is, sitting next to a fat guy on an airplane.
  • Hell is, sitting next to a fat guy on an airplane wearing an adult diaper.
  • Hell is, having a straight jacket on and having something in your eye.
  • Hell is, never being able to bend your knees wherever you go.
  • Hell is, having to watch the movie The Backup Plan while sitting next to Jennifer Lopez.
  • Hell is, winning the lottery and only being able to buy cotton candy with it.
  • Hell is being a kid, going to a theme park but only being allowed to play soccer in the parking lot outside.
  • Hell is, being a woman and having excessive body hair.
  • Hell is, having pencils for fingers… and oh yeah, you suck at drawing.
  • Hell is, always having the sensation of gum stuck to your shoe but looking down and seeing nothing.
  • Hell is, having your arms permanently bent like C3PO’s
  • Hell is, having a really really high pitched voice if you’re a dude, and sounding like Froggy from the little rascals if you’re a chick.
  • Hell is, having to wear oven mitts for the rest of your life.

Be Good now!

Respectfully,

Moses.

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About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
This entry was posted in A Magical world filled with mystery and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to This is what hell is

  1. mrasherkade says:

    This is hilarious! It made my day. I am going through a very shitty divorce. I am happy to be getting the divorce, so no condolences needed here. Thanks for visiting my site. You’re even funnier than me, so this made me feel awesome.

  2. mrasherkade says:

    true!!

  3. dearsassy says:

    Very funny, thanks for the laugh. I’m going to stop lying to my boss about why I’m late for work immediately.

  4. Zoe says:

    Glad I stumbled over here.
    🙂

  5. Tess Kann says:

    Thanks for commenting on my post.
    LOVE this post. Glad you found me and I was curious enough to check out your blog. I’ll be signing up.

  6. Pingback: The Odd Ways People Find Your Blog | Maximum Wage

  7. Pixie stix and Hell? Sounds like my idea of Heaven actually. Well, at least until I sugar-burn my tongue off.

  8. ysobele says:

    hahaha… why 72 virgins? 😀 😀 😀
    Let’s up this one, You’re in bed with 72 virgins and you happen to have a 72 penises, but you’re only 5′ tall. hahahahaha…

    • MaximumWage says:

      72 virgins because I thought that was the number given to Jihadist warriors who sacrifice themselves (suicide bomber) And how do you think up this stuff? 72 penises? HOW? that sounds like a nightmare!

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