This is what heaven is.

I'm pretty sure this is heaven.


  • Here is my post about heaven, to read what hell is like click here
  • Heaven is, whenever you fart it smells like a normal fart, but to everyone else it smells like a unicorn rolled around in a field of daisies and candy canes.
  • Heaven is, every time you spit, it forms a perfect bullet and is impervious to wind and other altitude factors so as not to come back in your face, also wherever your spit lands, a mango tree will grow.
  • Heaven is, waking up from that perfect dream and it’s all real, you really weren’t asleep.
  • Heaven is, a place where people never stub their toes, rather the ground gets stubbed.
  • Heaven is, never having to work out again, oh woops! I forgot about sex.
  • Heaven is, having wings that allow you to fly; and you get your choice, dragon wings or angel wings.
  • Heaven is, a place where women no longer have periods. The only thing they have are commas and semicolons!(GRAMMAR JOKE!) No but for real no more cramps and no more bleeding, just pinch it like a bloody nose.
  • Heaven is, as a kid getting picked first for dodge ball, and getting the job on the first interview as an adult.
  • Heaven is, having a robot butler or maid. (which will never revolt and kill you)
  • Heaven is, you know all the dance moves.
  • Heaven is, you know how to sing all the songs.
  • Heaven is, you know how to paint or draw all of the things.
  • Heaven is, all the bad food is now good for you.
  • Heaven is, being young with the wisdom of a senior.
  • Heaven is a place where you ACTUALLY GET PAID WHAT YOU’RE WORTH! Doctors and people who save lives get the most!
  • Heaven is, your friends and family never dying, rather they show up from time to time to give you advice and talk to you ala Obi Won Kenobi from Star Wars.
  • Heaven is, the only accidents that happen are the ones where you’re crying from laughter after they happen.
  • Heaven is, playing catch with your dad.
  • Heaven is, being comforted by your mom.

About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
This entry was posted in A Magical world filled with mystery and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to This is what heaven is.

  1. Heaven is, when all your problems are only like the problems people have on Glee!

    I really enjoyed this! Great post

  2. mrasherkade says:

    Forgetting about sex? What if I don’t want to forget about the greatest past time ever? I don’t think this is Heaven for me…. count me out!

    • MaximumWage says:

      No I mean! the only way you could ever work out IS BY having sex. not completely forgetting about it. IE all workouts are forbidden except sex. sex is a workout.

  3. MaximumWage says:

    As if i could forget about it.

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