I like stuff… you know, stuff.

Here’s a list of things I like,

What kinds of things do you like?

  1. I like speed limits but not when there are cops near them.
  2. I don’t mind hipsters but they confuse me, the way the dress makes me think they’re all lesbians, even the guys.
  3. I like soccer but only around foreigners and then I call it football.
  4. I like ketchup but not when it’s used as fake blood.
  5. I like Germany but not when it tries to take over the world.
  6. I like boobs but not when they’re enormous and on a man.
  7. I like Muslims but not when they blow themselves up.
  8. I like monsters but not when they’re underneath my bed.
  9. I like firefighters but only in calendar form.
  10. I like cops but only the tv show.
  11. I like cheeseburgers but not when they jizz grease all over my pants when I pick them up. Cheeseburgers need diapers.
  12. I like ice in my drinks but not when its being put down my shirt.
  13. I like bricks but not the emotional walls I build with them sometimes.
  14. I like being unemployed but I don’t like seeing my bank account.
  15. I like sharks but only during shark week.
  16. I like shorts but not the ones that show off my bulge, those are so tight they give me rashes.
  17. I like shiny swords, samurai swords, Viking swords, any kind of historical sword it doesn’t matter; Going to war in one.. yeah not gonna happen. I’ll take an m16.

About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
This entry was posted in Jobs, Life and the American Way and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to I like stuff… you know, stuff.

  1. mrasherkade says:

    Deep and though provoking Moses. However, I am very disturbed that you like firefighters in calender form…..

  2. I like cats but not cat poop
    I like dogs but not dog bites.
    I like people when I am not around them.
    I like money but it seems to not like me
    I like falling asleep more than waking up.
    I like drinking beer but not the hangover.
    I like rum and cokes but not being arrested after drinking 14 of them like that one time in 1993

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