Be unique, be different, be American.

So a couple weeks back I decided to write this blog post and my genesis of the project was to make a funny post about being American. I immediately got discouraged because I was writing too much about the stereotypical American being fat. (sidenote: google image stereotypical American and this comes up)

So I began to realize that Americans are different. Really and truly we are different, we were the first to revolt creating our own constitution on the heels of the enlightenment and we’ve done other stuff to be proud of in our history but we are different. We are unique. So I give you the top 10 ways The USA is unique. (side note, If I offend anyone I apologize in advance)

1. Have the worlds most expensive military, and during a recession!

That’s unique right? we have the most expensive military in the world.  Notice that I didn’t say “best” we have some of the best fighting men and women in the world but we also have had our asses handed to us a few times as well. Vietnam and Iraq 03-07 as an example.

2. Have our own standards of measurement and electrical output.

We are the largest most populated country that doesn’t use 220VAC and still uses the archaic measurement system that dates to the time of kings (WHICH WE BROKE AWAY FROM). Seriously when are we going to go metric? I’m pretty sure we’ll still be unique even after the change.

3. Create some of the most popular sports in our country, but be disinterested in Soccer, a sport popular all around the world.

Yes, I know, baseball and even basketball are getting traction all over the world. Baseball primarily in Latin American countries but, I still can’t get over the fact that try as we might Soccer just never seems to pick up here, despite the fact that so many youngsters play it.

4. Have the worlds most expensive healthcare but with the worst possible outcomes.

Its not entirely untrue when people call us fat. We are pretty overweight and our life expectancy is pretty abysmal as compared to other advanced nations. I don’t know, sounds to me like our heath care system is more attuned to making money instead of preserving life?

5. Have the worlds most prestigious universities, Harvard, Yale, MIT, also have the worlds shittiest grade schools.

I still don’t understand this one, how can we have some of the worst schools and poorly performing students as compared to other advanced countries but some of the best universities?

6. Complain about how bankrupt Socialist Europe is, but still be in a recession 3 years later and in debt to the tune of 14 trillion.

Pot calling the kettle black… TOTALLY.

7. Have the worlds most entertaining and enriching children’s programming, have the worst infant mortality rate among advanced nations.

This is a statistic to NOT be proud of, it also goes hand in hand with #4.

8. Be 3% of the worlds population consume 25% of the oil.

I see china and India coming! QUICK GRAB AS MUCH OIL AS YOU CAN CARRY!

9. Tire of Legal and Illegal people immigrating, make corporations people.

I guess this brings new meaning to the phrase “Soylent green is people.”

10. Have freedoms that people are willing to die for, and even say that’s why people hate you. Imprison more people per capita than any other country.

I’d say that’s hypocritical.


About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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5 Responses to Be unique, be different, be American.

  1. Smart post, and I like your economy with words, therefore I will violate it by adding trivia re:
    #1 – The U.S. alone spends 48% of all money spent on weaponry in the whole world.
    #2 – Blame Edison for the electricity. If not for him suing competitors and squashing Tesla’s DC system we would have solved it. It’s like the VHS vs. Beta story, or Microsoft vs. Everyone Else.
    #3 – Having soccer called “football” in half the other countries probably doesn’t help.
    #4 – So easy. No single payer. Keeping health care “competitive” means it remains unequal.
    #5 – See 4. Free market education spurs innovation, but only in the best schools. The rest lose.
    #6 and #7 – See #4 (I agree with you.)
    #8 and #9 – Face it. Americans are greedy pigs, which is also reflected in #4 (obesity rates).
    #10 – True, and we also execute more people than anywhere except China, North Korea, Iran and Yemen. Not my favorite countries to be correlated with.

    I like America because it generates the best atmosphere for absurdity and humor. The Canadians do try, but we are the best at it.

  2. lifewith4cats says:

    I can answer question #4. All the best universities are full of foreign students.

  3. misssuburbia says:

    So true! Especially the shittest grade schools. There are plenty of social documentries on the American school system. If you are a fan of independent documentary films, there are load of them on Netflix.

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