Don’t forget kiddos, that no one is special. We all poop, we all put on our pants the same way and we all said dumb shit when we were in middle school. Some of us have better PR than others.
Don’t forget kiddos that life is full of opportunities to shut the fuck up.
Don’t forget kiddos that you eat to live, not live to eat. If you’re out of breath after walking up some stairs, might want to reconsider what you’re eating for.
Don’t forget kiddos that fighting over a parking space is like toddlers fighting over a toy. there are just as many toys as parking spaces, you’re just pissed someone beat you to it.
Don’t forget kiddos to watch movies you saw as a child, It’ll blow your mind how much went right over your head.
Don’t forget kiddos that wearing socks with sandals is like wearing two jackets without a shirt on. Stupid.
Don’t forget kiddos that turning out a light after you leave the room will lower your electricity bill, however the good idea lightbulb doesn’t cost a thing.
Don’t forget kiddos that if you poop your pants on national TV its not the end of the world. People will still respect you as a human being, they will however laugh in your face.
Don’t forget kiddos that every toaster is different, it will take many tries to get your bread the right shade of toasting. It is important to remember that all toasters will kill you if you toast in the bath tub.
Don’t forget kiddos if ever you’re asked, “Can I lick your balls?” its really just a dog asking you, and apparently you can now talk to dogs.
Don’t forget kiddos that Jamestown was the first American town…. Which will be the last?
Don’t forget kiddos that all mice are pedophiles… I’m mostly talking about you Chuckie Cheese.
Don’t forget kiddos that you don’t need to keep score or ever try to even the score. Life has one rule, “Survival of the fittest.” Kind of like the TV show survivor but where people kill each other.