1.Why yes those jeans do make you look fat. I can’t even look at you, the next time you want to show me what a hippo in jeans looks like, please warn me.
2. Last night was great! I gave him a blowjob! Right on the dance floor, in front of all the other guys dancing on each other!
3. NO! Please stop wearing yoga pants around the house.
4. And how does this period compare to other periods you’ve had over the course of your life?
5. Yeah I agree, your sister does have a better ass than you.
6. Is it okay if I refer to you as my warm hole?
7. Yes I did quit my job today, I already have a full time job its called, loving you.
8. No, not tonight honey, I think I’m just gonna masturbate and then watch CSI miami while I fall asleep.
9. Lets go home and take care of my boner.
10. Eh, I was hoping we could just be friends with benefits.
Well let me rephrase that.. Things you HOPE he won’t say.
Maximum Wage 
A+
I would totally say all of this. I’m the best boyfriend you could ever ask for.
I’ve heard a variation of #9 a few times. 😉
As Ashley said, 100%. I spit out cheesy mac because of this.
#5 and #10 were hilarious! and so very true….(shhhhh, don’t let any more secrets out!)
I can’t make any gurantees! 🙂
I know I may be betraying The Sisterhood when I say this but bravo! Sometimes I wish men would say these things to shut up their whiny bints.
And I’m single, why?!
You’re single because you’re too busy blogging, but I have a sneaky suspicion that some women wouldn’t mind a guy saying these things in bed, FOR SCIENCE!
What do you mean “too busy blogging”? What’s wrong with blogging on dates and during sex?!
If you have to ask the question then I guess I have my answer! LOL 🙂 BLOGGING DURING SEX? “honey lets do doggystyle so I can type this blog post up real quick.”
Me likey! I think I’ll stay awhile! 🙂
.. and sometimes the dude’s moronic enough to even say it 🙂
Love #3 🙂