An interview with the Tooth Fairy.

Int: So what would you say your job is?

TF: I recycle human teeth, yeah thats my job.

Int: Thats it?

TF: Think of me as the grim reaper for your teeth. The dentist is just my competition.

Int: What do you do for fun?

TF: What I do for fun? Bowl, the pins remind me of teeth, I get some satisfaction out of that.

Int: Anything hard about your job?

TF: Once this kid painted  a pebble and put it under his pillow, I killed his cat and put a monster under his bed. Don’t waste my time!

Int: Anything embarrassing about your job?

TF: Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to be called a fairy and be a man?

Int: Well then couldn’t you say its creepy?

TF: Yes, it is creepy, thanks for reminding me.  A fairy dude coming out in the middle of the night to exchange your child’s tooth for monetary value. If you want my advice, Hide yo kids, Hide yo kids teeth.

Int: What do you never see on the job?

TF: I haven’t found a wisdom tooth under a pillow in decades. Its my white whale.

Int: How would a child or an adult know your around, providing they put their tooth under a pillow.

TF: If you wake up in the middle of the night and smell Jim Beam, Virginia Slims and new car smell… thats me.

Int: Anything on your job that upsets you?

TF: The only sad part about my job is the rare occasion I find a tooth under the pillow of a homeless meth addict. Where is my dollar going? I don’t know!? I don’t support drug use! 99% of my job is dealing with kids!

Int: Do you have any predators? challenges?

TF: Cats, cats can see in the dark… I hate cats. Dogs, on the other hand smell the Jim beam on my breath and the menthol cigarettes and leave me alone.

Int: Alright, thanks for coming in for the interview.

TF: No problem.

Int: Any messages to the kids?

TF: yeah! Brush your teeth kids! the ones you plan on keeping!



About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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8 Responses to An interview with the Tooth Fairy.

  1. BrainRants says:

    “I recycle teeth…” OMG laughing. So glad I subscribed!

  2. hot pants says:

    this was HILARIOUS!!

  3. big jim says:

    Killed a cat? Not cool…

  4. Tess Kann says:

    That was HILARIOUS! I needed a good snort today (no, not drugs). I laugh funny when I’m really laughing to beat the band. That tooth fairy should have shaved before going out. Ha ha ha.

  5. Lafemmeroar says:

    OMG, so hilarious. I think I sensed the tooth fairy in my room once when I was a kid. I didn’t know what Jim Beam smelled like until years later and after reading this blog, I’m sure it was TTF that visited me that night 🙂

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