Int: So tell me how did you get involved with Starbucks?
Mermaid: Starbucks initially approached me in late 1979, I was to sit for a painting for them near pier 54 in downtown Seattle. I was much more youthful then, my boobs were less floppity.
Int: Ha ha, so did they pay you as a model? Did they tell you they were going to make you the logo?
Mermaid: They failed to mention that I was to be the model that is now on the logo, however they mentioned that the painting was going to go up in one of their stores. They lied obviously, And I was paid, they gave me a longshoreman to consume.
Int: excuse me a longshoreman? To consume?
Mermaid: Yes, all mermaids are carnivores… You didn’t know that?
Int: No I didn’t.
Mermaid: woops cats out of the bag! Human men are just as addicting as coffee.
Int: So wait a minute, I guess I have to ask, why are you in “human form then?”
Mermaid: well to do the interview first of all and, secondly we can change into human form but only if we do a deal with an octopus named Ursula.
Int: Like from the little mermaid?
Mermaid: The very one. See sometimes, when human men die in like shark attacks, that’s really us. Because ships have gone from wood to steel, it’s harder for us to interact with our prey. Sharks and mermaids are competing for resources constantly. Back in the day we’d be able to get a guy or two from a Spanish merchant ship, but not anymore.
Int: Hahaha, Yeah right! Please, this is totally absurd. How can you-
Mermaid: No really! The last time I got some delicious man flesh was when couple of Cubans were on a makeshift raft floating to Florida.
Int: Alright… I’ll bite… Why do you only go after Males?
Mermaid: For the balls.
Int: Ok, thanks for your time.