Dear Internet, this is an intervention.


 

 

Listen internet,

We need to talk.

So I get it, you provide information, but do you really have to send me a penis enlargement spam email every day? I mean after a while I’m gonna start to think something. Besides I don’t really care about my penis right now, I’m more worried about the Nigerian president and his millions that I’m gonna get.

Is there any way we can hide the porn better? I mean its like I’m walking in to your living room and on the table is a huge dildo. I can see that, when I Google image ANYTHING something pops up that I don’t want to see. Speaking of which, how about we add more warnings when someone tricks me into wandering upon, 2 girls 1 cup, goatse, cake farts and lemonparty. YOU CAN’T UNSEE THOSE! (DONT LOOK UP PLEASE)

Why do I have to have a PASSWORD FOR EVERYTHING~!?Β  WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WANT MY EMAIL ADDRESS? WHY DO I RANDOMLY GET VIRUSES FOR CLICKING ON LOL CATS?

Internet,

I know I’m a single guy, You don’t need to remind me of that. All of the banner ads on my Facebook remind of this every time I log in. Its a little depresseing.

I know if I wanted to be a cult leader or find information on any conspiracy theory I could gladly search your depths and end up on the streets of LA babbling about the Apocalypse, aliens and nebbirru. I get it, a free flow of information is good but Ive been hurt before. Please internet? Stop hurting me… Let me go…

All my love,
Moses

PS. I’ll still blog… I’ll always Blog.

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About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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10 Responses to Dear Internet, this is an intervention.

  1. Tess Kann says:

    Marvelous! How many pleas do you think it might take?

  2. BrainRants says:

    Please don’t stop blogging. You’re seriously hilarious.

  3. You’re not happy with the internet because it asks you for email addresses for everything and yet, if i have to follow your blog, I have to provide my email address. LOL!

    but I like your blog and so I provided it anyway.. Keep blogging!

  4. Denise says:

    The other day, I spent a good five minutes looking at, clicking on and returning to a pair of shoes I found to be the most hideous I had ever seen. I was shocked and appalled at their ugliness and could not fathom why a person would want to put them on their feet and walk around in front of other people.

    Thanks to the internet, these shoes pop up everywhere I go with flashing buttons trying to entice me to buy them.

    And because of your post I have searched them out again so that I could show you. http://www.sarenza.com/el-naturalista-ambar-no490-s760417-p0000038191

    Now BOTH my computers have a record of them. Thanks.

  5. ysobele says:

    sorry… late bloomer here hahahaha….
    yah… I feel you bro, why does the stupid internet flash penises every once in a while, its so….
    ..
    ….
    …… mature??? πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

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