A twitter or facebook post for every occasion.


 

 

Hey everyone!

Sharing is caring, so here are some funny, insightful twitter/facebook posts you can use when you’re bored and don’t want to think of something funny.  I’ve thought them up myself so go ahead and use them. I’m stock piling a bunch of them so I can save them for other blog posts.

YOURE WELCOME.

1.  Just got off the phone with the doctor, apparently my superpowers are permanent.

2. While grocery shopping with a child, grab a coffee bean and chew it like its chocolate. Offer the child one. Sit back and watch the reactions.

3. If your computer ever acts up, to teach it a lesson set its clock back to Dec 31st 1999. JUST TO SCARE IT. Y2k is REAL!

4. “Blue tights are timeless fashion” Superman

5. I’m such an asshole, I only wear a watch to check the time when someone is annoying me.

6. If you’re going to learn one magic trick to impress your children, make it the permanent disappearing act.

7. How would you feel if someone were to grow you, hollow you out, carve a face in you, then get your face smashed in, slowly rotting into oblivion #pumpkinshaveittheworst

8. When talking about serious subjects with me, I’d prefer if you “Parachute my feelings” Go ahead and “Let me down easy” I don’t want to break any emotional bones.

9. I prefer to play the game chicken with myself. This includes staying up all night, taking a sleeping pill then driving for an hour.

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About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
This entry was posted in Free stuff here. and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to A twitter or facebook post for every occasion.

  1. BrainRants says:

    Dude, these made me laugh. Classic.

  2. All but one made me laugh. I won’t tell you which one. I’ll take that to my grave! Or urn! Or cave! However someone disposes of me when I…. you know…

  3. Pingback: A twitter or Facebook post for every occasion part 2 | Maximum Wage

  4. arent you a lil’ ray of generosity.. giving it all away for free..

    I’m such an asshole, I only wear a watch to check the time when someone is annoying me.
    but omg i do that! =p

  5. Pingback: More free stuff here. | Maximum Wage

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