So I was on a friend’s Facebook profile and I saw what I think is the most redundant, stupid and completely idiotic way to describe your self. “I love to laugh!”
Well who the hell doesn’t love to laugh? Really?
“I tried it one time and I almost puked…” “Laughing? no thanks, I only do that when I’m depressed.” “I prefer not to laugh, it only makes me want to hurt children.”
So on that note, here are the worst ways people describe themselves…. All of them stupid. They are pretty common and you might have seen them on internet dating or other social media websites. Enjoy.
1. “What you see is what you get”
If I were to see a chair, or a bicycle I think this phrase applies. It doesn’t take much thought to use either one. What you’re really implying, is that you have no excuse for your bad attitude so its take it or leave it. I’ll stick with the bicycle.
2. “Just a regular guy/gal here”
So that’s the best you could do? Making yourself completely devoid of personality? I think what you’re really saying is, “Just a regular person without any rainbows or puppies in my life, I like watching TV and stuff. I like to do things, and watch people doing things.” If you don’t have a personality that’s fine, just admit it.
3. “I speak my mind so deal with it.”
I think what you really meant to say here is, “my opinion comes at random times inconveniencing everyone around me, regardless of whether it was asked or not.” You know what my mom said? “If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say it at all.” You should probably look into having some kind of inner monologue.
4. “I’m so ugly”
When I read this as a caption on Facebook all it really says is, “hey everyone, I’m fishing for compliments!” I swear on all that is holy, if I ever see one of these posts again on Facebook I’ll just reply with a “Yes…. yes you are.”
5. “I don’t like drama”
BIG RED FLAG goes up the pole, a loud siren sounds and your brain tells you to run as far away from this person as possible.
6. “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”
Its ok, not everyone gets to go to college. If I ever hear this phrase again, I’ll simply ask if they are sesame street smart. these phrases also apply: I went to the school of hard knocks, I went to the university of life. All are very cliche and what you’re really saying is that you spent all of your life making mistakes and paying for them.
I’m done writing on this topic it makes me hate people, and I hate doing that.
Maximum Wage 
This is hilarious! I am glad I found your blog. 😀
I also hate it when people say that they “speak fluent sarcasm.” If they are so subtle in their mockery of the human state, why did they feel it necessary to come down to everyone else’s level and straightforwardly announce their sarcasm? Are they just trying to show that they can still speak the mother tongue despite their being so wittily snarky?
Yeah! I hate that one too. I’m finding that people who are naturally witty or sarcastic DONT have to let everyone know.
Like the book smart fool who wears his rusty PhiBetaKappa pin on his tie.
Ronnie
I put the “Speak Fluent Sarcasm” thing on my FB page. However, I did it sarcastically before I saw any of my friends do it. Does that make it better?
I also named my blog Snarky Self-Helper. Looks like I’m your nightmare Facebook friend. 😉
I can’t stand people who take pictures of every meal and post it to their feed. That’s basically just a giant flashing “I’m fat” sign for all to see.
I actually like it when people post pictures of food, mainly because I love cooking and it gives me awesome ideas. It’s better than their posts about their drunken adventures the night before, which is a giant flashing “I have nothing better to do with my life than this” sign. I also can’t stand when girls post long love-letters on their friends’ (usually also girls) walls. You’re best friends forever and ever, you love each other to death and will take off your shoes and do serious damage to the brains of anyone who gets between you, and you call each other “babe” because you can’t remember the names of all your “best friends” — we get it.
Probably the most annoying of them all. You nailed it on the head. I could not have worded it better. These people are serious gear grinders. I friggen hate when they make it so obvious that they actually write “sarcasm” after they have posted something so unwitty (yet still their best attempt at humor), as if you are so daft and you just would’nt get their humor, that they must make note of it. But nothing rivals the people who go out of their way to let you know how humble they are. Worst offenders.
Ooooo I love the drama haters. Isn’t that all life is? Doesn’t saying you hate drama usually mean you lack the capability to handle things so it then turns into drama? There is a huge population of dramatic people. That’s the real problem.
Cheers,
Princess von Voodoo
bueno el teatro es bueno y el drma que se l impone mucho mejor….
I would tend to agree, when I hear someone say “I can’t stand drama”, it’s usually the person that drama is centered around. That’s when I stay clear.
Yep.
I like the way you said that. More often then not that is where you find the drama with the drama haters. I am the 9th in a family of 14 children, seven girls and seven boys. There is a lot of drama.
hilarious, i love a good rant
me too if well reasoned
“Fun loving” “Good-hearted” Yeah, all these tell me nothing. And what I like most of all about your post is that you got so disgusted you stuck with 6. Lists that have 10 things in them are as boring as “loves to laugh”.
Well said.
This is social media reflecting real-life. I can’t stand people who wear those cause bracelets or any other paraphernalia intended to make people believe you care more than they do about (insert cause here).
I actually confronted somebody not too long ago for wearing a pink breast cancer bracelet. This person actually said to me “This is to let people know I’m against cancer.”
Think about that for a minute. How self-absorbed and neurotic do you have to be that you a) feel the need to advertise your position on a deadly disease and b) are concerned people might think you are actually pro-cancer?
Hahaha… “This is to let people know that I’m against Cancer.” WOW didn’t know anyone was?! What an idiot. Its quite sad, I remember when I was a kid and used to say dumb shit, but facebook and other social networking sites weren’t around then… I’m really glad.
“….used to say dumb shit, but facebook and other social networking sites weren’t around then… I’m really glad.”
Hahahaha I still say stupid shit, just in person! As far away from FB or Twitter as much as possible…
Ive found a few people on Twitter that are real fun to follow. If you get a chance follow KellyOxford. She consistenly cracks me up.
Freud was right: we all behave according to the “herd Theory.” People follow fads and trends without a clue about what they’re doing or what anything means.
Ronnie
Gosh darn freud… Darn him for being right.
I’m against Cancer, it really is the worst star sign. I say this even though I’m ‘on the cusp’, because I know in my heart I’m truly a Leo and I despise those people that tell me I’m on the cusp. Apart from that I’m just a regular guy/gal. I wish I could tell which though.
I’m like, a huge activist and stuff, I like, raising awareness.
Cause when you raise awareness, you can make a difference,
without, you know, actually having to do anything hard.
I’ve gotten to the point where I ask people what they are planning to do about it when they wear cause bracelets. So, far people have mostly just looked confused and said something like “You know, raise awareness and stuff.” No, I don’t know. Are you raising awareness by advocating better screenings to detect cancer while it is still in the early stages? Are you distributing fliers or pamphlets? Are you hosting a conference to inform people about what they can do to prevent or detect early signs of cancer? Oh, no you are just wearing a stupid little bracelet that cost you $1. Yeah, way to make a difference. Idiot.
The best is the kids wearing “I love boobies” bracelets and their parents allow them because they’re “raising awareness.” The plus is that the bracelets sell and presumably make money for breast cancer… the downside is that you have a bunch of 10 year olds thinking about and talking about boobs.
To be fair… There was a local tragedy in the town where I work recently, which involved a coworker of mine. It was a very polarized incident that involved two major “factions” (those in support of my coworker, and those who thought she was the devil – basically), and somebody somewhere along the line had those rubber bracelets made in support of my coworker. I wore one daily, so the whole world knew exactly whose side I was on; if nothing else, it (generally) helped me avoid social blunders. People from the other side of the argument usually kept their mouth shut when they saw them, so.
Wouldn’t life sometimes be easier, though, if you knew exactly what not to say in front of people? 😉
I wish something more profound came to mind besides “kudos”. but still, kudos. One, for standing up for said coworker. and two, yes…wouldn’t it be nice if there were clearer rules about what to say and what not to say in front of people. Not everyone – at least myself – picks up on social cues well. I’d probably fall into the category of “I speak my mind so deal with it”, but then I’d also have to face facts that “my opinion comes at random times inconveniencing everyone around me, regardless of whether it was asked or not.” so…bummer.
well, I was really ready to talk about 2 and 3, but it looks like you really nailed it… quite eloquently at that, too! I’ll go sit on the porch now…
Very true! And you are right, the more I learn about people the more I loathe them. That is why I am unemployed. just can’t stand being around people.
I had a boss who once said I would be getting a bump in pay. I said I would prefer a shove. That’s gold, baby!
This is a little ironic without a backstory.
Did you ever hear the song by the Kingston Trio telling the world how everyone hates everyone else? The last lines are:
Italians hate Yogoslavs, South Africans hate the Dutch.
And I don’t like anybody very much.
Ronnie
I also enjoy a good “I’m just being true to myself”…. always classic.
Lol. What does that even mean? The worst part is people actually think they are clever when they use these old cliches. Saying it as if it’s an original thought. It’s almost worse than people who smack their lips when they eat.
LOVE this! It reminds me of the time I spent in the online dating realm, scouring hundreds of profiles, and repeatedly seeing “I’m a typical guy, and I don’t have a lot of time in my life…”
Um. Thanks. And why are you here on this dating site again?
😉
Mikalee, I see that line all the time! I agree. These guys are like, “LOOK HOW BUSY I AM! That makes me important. I might have four hours a week open, when I’m not proving how altruistic I am. Hey, why didn’t you respond to my pretentious message? What do you mean you don’t want to date me?”
SO true! Really, I’m totally turned on by how so LITTLE time you have for me…
😉
Funny stuff. I think if you took out the “to” and just said, I love laugh!, that would make for a more interesting description. I do think FB has changed a bit for the better, and I see less randomness nowadays.
I hate when people write “i’ve been hurt so many times it’s hard for me to really trust someone.” I just want to look them in the face and tell them they’re a giant pussy.
HAHA. The next time someone cries during a movie look them in the eyes and say, “You’re a giant pussy, its just made up.” By the way, if I ever see that written on a profile I’ll follow it up with a, “Walk it off.”
Our tagline lately is “hug it out”. /ha ha
“Walk it off” LMAO! I’m using that.lol
What about the “I’m Random” person? God they suck! Might as well say I can’t focus on one thing for longer than 30 seconds. Should be “I’m easily distracted”.
Reading that actual people said things like that makes me want to not only burn my computer, but also take down every electrical grid that I can.
“I’m not cocky, I’m confident” is another one I see a lot. No. You’re just in love with yourself stupid.
That’s a good one… I’ve heard that, too. They should say “I’m SUPER cocky but pretend like I’m not, just FYI.”
Good stuff! I particularly love the ones like “Unique” and “Different” as if the rest of us were all pried from the same mold.
Brilliant. I’m so glad I’ve deleted Facebook – I can avoid all of these stupid descriptions of people! Great post, happy I found your blog
This is the tagline on my blog: “You will most likely find me in the forest, next to the lake, reading a book. Just follow the cigar smoke!”
LOL!! Oh my, this is so true!! These phrases also drive me insane…I don’t know why people think that they’re being clever by writing them!
And, “I don’t like drama” implies that you do, indeed, like drama and that you would are not only a magnet for it, but you conjure it up at any given opportunity so that you may then constantly update your status and tweet about the drama in your life in order to gain sympathy from your friends, who are most likely annoyed with you anyway.
What’s up with that?
Hilarious post and congrats on being Freshly Pressed! 🙂
haha! this is funny as hell, really like this post lol
and about the drama thing, if yall ever notice how people who usually always have to say “I hate Drama, i hate drama” are usually the ones with the mst experience with it.
lol he’s right, if youre gonna say the obvious dont say anything at all! let your ass be a mystery lmao youre better that way
i hate ‘im awesome’, ‘the bomb diggity’ and ‘perfectly imperfect’. these statements are broad and just an attempt to make yourself seem better.
I have a relative who thrives on 4…posts pictures of jean-clad butt and when someone pays a compliment the response (to be read with wide eyes and a lilt in the voice) is usually “the jeans?” and…cue ;). ALMOST as irritating of the pictures of dessert at a restaurant…with cleavage…seriously???????
I’ve found that “I’m so glad I did something good for others today” usually means “oh, pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease ASK ME!!!!!!” And then I don’t…
Some I wish to add (thank you OkCupid):
“Oxygen, water, food [or a combination thereof]” When asked what things they couldn’t live without.
“Music? Oh, I like a bit of everything really, lol.” Really? Allow me to play you some Dying Fetus or Morbid Angel, then we’ll see…
[overuse of the acronym ‘lol’] – That word has absolutley no meaning anymore. You may as well put ‘adibwydiyu’; it is devoid of purpose…
I’m also inclined to agree with what one comedian said about people who put ‘reading’ as a hobby. In that it shouldn’t be a hobby, it should be just something you should be able to do. Unfortunately I am one of those people…
I can’t stand lol or rmaofl or any combination thereof. As a matter of fact, since we are all ranting here. Don’t abbreviate EVER! Don’t use a stupid smiley face in a work email, save it for texting your bff and never, ever say you are “a people person”.. as opposed to…?
Back in school, loads of people used to put ‘if you don’t like my page, click the [x] at the top right of the screen’…which I promptly did.
I agree that lots of people seem to be proud of their ‘bitch ass’ status.
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You will likely find that they are not, actually, Sesame Street smart. Grover would have boosted their self-esteem a little more.
hahahahaha! thats awesome.
“I’m that person who doesn’t care of you like her, as long as you acknowledge that SHE’S RIGHT.” I often am. But it doesn’t get me the Miss Congeniality award. If only I minded. 🙂
I should state now that this is why I DON’T describe myself. Most often, the truthful descriptions would be just as irksome as the fake ones. O:-)
I’d like the people interviewed by Matt Lauer to say, ‘She was so full of life…until she wasn’t’. Seriously- how does not not be full of life?
A full third of humanity has no imagination, whatsoever. They are the milquetoast masses, relying on others, like preachers and politicians, to tell them what to think and what to say, and to believe that breathing & breeding is the ultimate human accomplishment. God bless ’em. They also think of social media sites, like FB, as the family room, where everyone fills designated roles – reading the paper, smoking a cigarette, playing with dollies – and not a stage, where you get to be whatever you want to whomever you want. They’re happy just being the extras, filling the vignette. I’m sorry…is that too elitist?
At last: a thinking person! I’ve just signed on to your blog as a subscriber.
I agree with your point that we have pretend relationships with other bloggers. The names become familiar and we think of them as friends. But in real life we don’t know them and they are not our friends.
It reminds me of someone I know who does significant research on his family tree. Knows where everyone came from, their stories, and lives. But has nothing to do with the real people in the family who are alive now.
Ronnie
Funny! My favorite annoying description? “Quirky, with a zest for life”. Ugh. Congrats on being FP’d!
A-mazing! This list is fantastic. I love it so much I want to kiss it on the mouth.
OH, wow! I loved this post! I cannot tell you how many times I’ve thought alllll these things about some of the stuff people post on Facebook. I’ve decided my most favorite feature of Facebook is the ability to “hide” others posts from my wall.
Cleverly put. I stumbled upon your blog accidentally. The Hello my name is awesome sticker interested me, so i clicked and voila! Funny stuff! Thanks for the laugh. People post more dumb self-descriptions than not, as it turns out.
Love it and right on point! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed
Awesome translations! These are almost as good as when someone says “I’m a people person.”
Back in the day, pre-Facebook, and before I was married, I used to troll around on Match.com and was always amused when women would describe their physique as “healthy” – which I took to be a euphemism for “There are still some parts of my heart that haven’t been completed blocked by trans fat and cholesterol.”
Rob, The Mainland
So stealing this… If anyone accuses me of being overweight I’m going to say Healty.
Be my guest. Lol.
Oh gosh, this was brilliant! Those people are so annoying though, I don’t understand people like that. Great post though! And congrats on the Freshly Pressed! 🙂
#3 drives me crazy. Just admitting that you have no filter and can’t help being rude doesn’t make it okay. I also find that these people get really ticked off when other people speak their minds right back. I also see #4 in various forms on Facebook all the time. I hate when people play into that and give the compliment fisher what he/she is asking for…it just reinforces the behavior.
Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed!
Great post! Hilarious, thanks…
“I work hard and I play harder.” Good thing you stopped at #6.
I’m aware of people who take a very harsh line with other people’s language, perceived ‘incorrect’ manners and so forth whilst at the same time spouting the most inane, unproven, unconsidered drivel as if it were self-evident to everyone.
Often these people like to tell other that they have a thick-skin and like a good argument.
You nailed it with your words. Simply Awesome.
How could you a write a post on this thing. I just could n’t stop laughing after reading this one. Great job. Congrats on getting freshly pressed, more than anything else it helped everyone to find your blog.
Thanks. I appreciate the kind words.
“I go with the flow.”
Yeah…UNTIL you dam up the flow because it’s not going your way…
Hilarious article that made me laugh! And it’s sad how often I see these on people’s profiles. What’s even sadder is that some of those phrases truly describe some of them. Keep writing–you’re funny.
great blog! good writing! I will continue reading your stuff.. congrats on being freshly pressed! 🙂
“I Hate Everyone” by Say Anything…. try that on for size. Funny post!!
LOL! Very funny, yet true observation. Thanks for the laugh.
Ooo do you think these are the same people that like hanging out with their friends?!
Bleh! Enjoyed the post though.
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I am glad I found your blog! I, too, have witnessed most of these ridiculous ways that people describe themselves! Keep the posts coming!
http://ivebecomeateenager.wordpress.com
The world is a sea of the trite, the overused, the meaningless. Me? I don’t like people who play games. But I do like to watch sunsets, while seated in front of a fireplace that is on a path in the woods.
But hate is a wonderful thing. It brings people together. There is nothing wrong with that. 😀 But you shouldn’t hate on lowlifes. We inferior persons believe maintaining the smallest positions in life will be beneficial in the long run. When we die, no one will give a turd. And I do believe I’m street smart. I know exactly what street I am on. Well…I think I do…Oh ahaha lost again.
Haha! Well I’m glad you know where you are, thats always important. As far as hate goes I think it was more frustration on my part. I don’t like to waste time on stupid people.
This is not really a statement that anyone makes, but I go crazy when I read posts that say things like, “I am so upset!”. Then comes a long list of replies such as “What’s wrong?” or “Don’t worry…things will get better!”
If the writer is so upset that they had to post it online then the least they should do is explain why they are so upset.
Of course these normally come from people that describe themselves as “not caring what people think of me.” Another winner.
Oh I agree! I can’t stand that either. Now I’m upset….I better go update my status.
Haha this is awesome! The thing that gets me the most is when people have things THEY said in their list of favorite quotes. Oh, the stupidity…
Congratulations on being FP’ed! 😀
As far as I can tell, quoting yourself is a big no no. The fact that people do that, bugs me to no end. Thanks!
When I read the first line I cringed and thought you were talking about me… but mine just says “I have a big smile and I like to make use of it..” SO embarrassing! ahaha!
I will forever make fun of myself thanks to you! Great post!
Thanks and sorry I made you cringe. You learn something new everyday right!?
Hilarious!
Though I have a twist on your #3. I heard this from a friend once, so I can’t take credit:
“If you don’t have anything nice to say — come sit next to me.”
🙂
Thats an awesome phrase! totally stealing that. It can be both a come on AND a threat! love it.
I dedicate this post to she who will remain nameless with this ‘about me’:
“Tumultuous. Dorky. Sexy. Perfectionist. Daddy’s girl. Vulnerable. Self-consciously short. Unintentionally funny. Intriguing. Chameleonic”
I think I know that girl.
I mean, not that *actual* girl. Just, you know, my life’s version of that girl. In fact, I know quite a few of that girl…
Oh God it hurts…
hahahaa. You made me laugh.
Great post. On 1. “What you see is what you get” What if I think you look like a dick? On 3. Inner monologue! I love it. People don’t realise that having an inner monologue is ok, maybe some people don’t even realise that the rest of us are constantly talking to ourselfs. Speaking your mind should come with with using tact and respect for others.
Well, how about this one–
“I can take it or leave it.”
Oy infinity.
Let’s face it, a lot of folks are bland followers of lexicon(ic) proportions. They rarely vary from the “script.”
This was so funny, I had tears running down my face at lunch today! NICE WORK!
More than one man has written, either in an ad or an email, “I’ll make you laugh until beer comes out of your nose.” I don’t actually want beer to come out of my nose. I don’t like beer. And don’t promise you can make me laugh–just do it. Why do men always think they can make women laugh? Because we are polite and laugh instead of saying, “That was fucking lame. Will you shut up now?”
That said, there are men who make me laugh all the time, and I love them for it.
This post is hilarious – had me laughing out loud (because yes, I like to laugh, really I do). Love your response to number 4! At least the stupid things other people write can provide entertainment and amusement at times 😉 Congrats on being freshly pressed!
Thank you!
Ha ha … thanks for the chuckles. Well done.
This is so funny, and so true. I also hate facebook, and notice things like this. The only girls who are posting they hate drama are the ones who start it.
And then my favorite part is when the CRY FOUL! When someone calls them out on the DRAMA. So silly.
Now, come on. You don’t hate people, do you? lol. Your list is good, but in defending people, what does one say when asked to describe oneself? Do they say, Let’s see . . . I’m dumb as a brick, and oh, did I mention that I’m a complete A-hole?
http://valentinedefrancis.wordpress.com
Eh, I just expect people to put some time into it. Using cliches or redundant phrases doesn’t help anybody… Plus If someone were to describe themselves as “dumb as a brick” I’d still respect the hell out of them for being honest.
Or would this fall under the category of feeling sorry for oneself & looking for people to refute your claim?
To be fair, ‘About Me’ is actually an excellent filter..I keep in mind how they describe themselves and then cross-reference with what I know to see how far off the mark their thinking is to mine – how big the pinch of salt ratio needs to be when I read their statuses, then work off their use of grammar and spelling to decide if they’re going to be classified chat-compatible..sounds analytical but its second nature now.
This was AWESOME! Ooops, sorry!:)
Anyone who starts a statement with, “I’m the kind of person who…..” lost me at the 5th word.
Oh wow. I think I may have used the “what you see is what you get” line. 😀 I admit at the time, I was just being lazy and needed to increase my word count! – may need to go back and edit my profile now!
You better change it. 🙂
Will do 🙂
I mean, done! 😀
“I heart + (trend of the day/week/month)”.
At least use the emoticon for “heart”.
Hilarious. I don’t even have a fb and this definitely made me laugh…which then put me into a suicidal depression…So thanks, I’ll have to pay extra this month for my shrink…what’s wrong with you…making people laugh like some sort of crazy person…
I hate it the most when people write about themselves and you have no idea what they are saying, for example…
“There nothin to say about be cause if you been reading dis yous already knows who i’s is. if yous mess wit me ors my famly i will mess yous up. dont be talkin behind my back cause yous regrest it. fool, i real sharp”
I see these all the time. If you can’t spell get a dictionary or don’t post anything at all. their stupidity saddens me.
I didn’t know that lolcats were writing messages on fb …. 😉
But I hate that too, especially the “When I’m online, I don’t give a damn about spelling!” WOAH …
I love the “Oh no my life is so awful, don’t ask” status, followed by a “email”.
This post is great, thanks WordPress 🙂
I would say this is about what you get with Facebook on an ordinary day, but frankly it’s part and parcel of the Internet now from beam to sole. More’s the pity, but then again I’m an old man and…Hey, you kids get off my lawn! 😛
It should be a rule that people get someone else (someone who REALLY knows them) to write their online profiles for them (with the proviso that they be totally honest and truthful). Boy, wouldn’t THAT be interesting? Great post!
Heck yeah it would!
I’d pay good money for a profile written about me by someone who knows me well and loves me, but even better money for the same from someone who can’t stand the sight of me. 😉
I love this idea! First you get a profile that actually fits you & second you get to find out what your friends think of you – what could be more perfect! Great idea.
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You forgot:
‘I love hanging with my friends.’ no shit, they’re your friends
‘I love to travel,’ as apposed to staying in your room?
Yeah… Darn it. I tried keeping it short and sweet but you’re right those are over used.
I disagree. A love of traveling is a quality I look for in any person. I meet tons of people who would rather stay at home than go out to a restaurant, or the movie theater, or the park, or anywhere else. And I’ve also met tons of people who think that their hometown is the best place in the world and they have no interest at all to travel or see the world or even leave their county let alone their state. Also, many people simply hate the hassle and tedium of traveling from point A to point B. For example, I love to travel but I hate driving.
I also *love it* when people describe themselves as being “smarter than your average bear.” They never are.
this is SO TRUE
Very true, and straight from my own mind. I’ve deleted friends before now for posting photos of themselves then captioning it with “OMG I’M UGLY/FAT/HORRIBLE/LOL”. Not only is the “LOL” in no way needed, but the blatant attention seeking is nauseating.
Hahaha I used to say the last point about myself but I can’t any more as now I’m currently doing a university degree!!!!!
Good for you, I too used to say that. Although I will admit I have met plenty of people who had no college degree but had plenty of Common sense. Which I think is much more valuable.
And I must agree with you about the “Drama” point!!!….When I hear that and run for my life toooooooo!!!!!
Great job, you attained an awesome level of snarkiness! I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this post is about a certain person whom you don’t even know. Think about this for one second: what if this person whom you have never had contact with is, in fact, much more intelligent than you and reserves the right to act however they want? Thanks for telling people how to live their lives; it’s so relevant! No seriously, I get this sense that you have your life figured out way more than everyone else in the world. O Prime Arbiter of Wisdom, please, crack some more eggs of wisdom on my head! Lord knows I love making omelettes.
I hate those “About Me” sections anyway. So I took some time, all of 5 mins and wrote one about me.. Here it goes…..
I’m not very easy to figure out, and I’m not very good at giving an accurate impression. I’m smarter than I look/act from a distance. I’m nicer than I like to let on, and more sensitive than I ever admit. I’m a big collection of opposites, really. Opposites I’m trying to keep in balance. For example, both a realist and an idealist, an athletic and intellectual type, both rational and emotional. Spontaneous and change-resistant. Humble or praise-seeking, depending on the subject matter. Alternately Mega-self-assured, and woefully insecure; fatalistic & optimistic. Oddly enough the last usually is dependent on the last time I ate and/or had sex.
A few descriptive words/phrases: sexy cute, truly strange, artistic, fun, flirty, moody, hyper-intelligent, ironic/sardonic, overly-analytical, can be annoying at times, sometimes defensive, both serious and silly, cryptic, geeky/nerdy, overly sexual, outdoorsy (is that even a word???), and sometimes overly talkative like now.
Hummm no wonder no one wants to talk to me.. Im mental : )
Hahaha, don’t be hard on yourself. The fact that you refused to use trite cliche phrases goes in your favor.
Love it!!
This is hilarious kudos, BUT i do have to say that sometimes sarcastic people do have to state it, because the obvious tends to go over the heads of some people. awesome post.
Often you have to say stupid things
when attempting to communicate
with stupid people. Many who
write paradies have been taken
on their word by idiots – saying
your sarcastic is the only way to
cover your butt, when your ode
to Snooky sends the wroung
message – good point.
Any girl who has a Coco Chanel quote to describe herself. Especially the ones who use, “Every girl should be two things – classy and fabulous” — 9 times out of 10 I would categorize her as the exact opposite.
Hahaha, Whenever I see a girl who would describe herself as “Classy and fabulous” is also the same girl who drinks too much and pukes in the bar bathroom.
Hahaha yeh dude.
Maybe it is an English-ism but I have had people describe themselves as being ” full of Life”, ahem, I think we all are or we would be dead!
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed. 🙂
Reblogged this on Mr Bunny Chow and commented:
My thoughts written by another
I have had people describe me as your #1 all my life, though I have never described myself that way. What they meant was:
1) You don’t wear make-up and I feel the need to comment on that or
2) You say what you mean
I have always thought #2 was very odd. Why would ANYONE say what they did NOT mean unless they were being sarcastic? Do people really walk around saying things they don’t mean expecting everyone to understand? Wait…I actually know the answer to that one. *sigh*
Congrats on the FP. I enjoyed this one.
You’re right, the kinds of attitude I hate are holier-than-thou attitudes. People like that are extremely annoying. However, I find it funny that you even felt the urge to write this entire article; that in itself is equally as annoying and pugnacious. Why get involved with others’ affairs? It’s not your business. Oh, and the fact that some people are able to use their ‘power’ as an extension to shed light upon something *significantly less* in the spotlight than cancer is a loving testament to a higher purpose. Schizophrenia and cancer are equally devastating to those who have it, and if I can get people to care more about either of those, then I have done my job. You, on the other hand, are criticizing the methods of achieving that purpose. Commentators may start conversations, but doers CREATE them. I’m done commenting, just thought I’d set the record straight for you, whom I have never met and hope to meet one day in some alternate reality.
http://dogs.icanhascheezburger.com/2011/08/06/funny-dog-pictures-not-sure-if-trolling-or-just-stupid/
Great post, I’d like to add people that try to be witty or sarcastic in the religion or political section on the likes of Facebook. Twunts!
Pretty funny stuff here. #5 is my favorite.
Right, man! Direct me towards those people any day, they sound like a hoot.
“5 I don’t like drama.” a/k/a “I @!#% LOVE DRAMA!”
Hilarious!
I hate you for writing this post sooner than I did. But all is forgiven. I like this post very much.
You should try the post secret app! It will drive you insane. People on their have no stupid filter, and all that comes out is crap.
Wait, Why would I want more frustration in my life?! WHY!?
Frustration???? Over electrons and microchips and peoples’…. gasp! …. OPINIONS?!! computer exploded
My favorite is, “I work hard and I play hard.” I don’t know what either of those things really mean but it sounds terribly exhausting.
PS: I like to have fun
well I’m glad someone likes to have fun.
I saw one recently where, in the FB ‘about me’ box, it read “I feel I was born for greatness but my Mom says I need to work harder at it”.
I read it as a convoluted way of saying “Even Mom says I’m a loser”.
What other conclusion is there to reach?
No other conclusion… I think they are just “owning” it. They’re a loser and they know it! 😉
This is exactly how I feel. I am so glad I found in your post so that I can know that I’m not alone in my derision of the terrible descriptive skills most people possess.
LOVED this post (and the comments!) absolutely. Especially the “sesame street smart” … 😀
By the way: The “I’m so ugly” group has a little sister, called “So this is a pic of me, sorry it is so bad, pleeeeeeeeaaaaaase be nice to me ….” (the girl on the picture being dressed in … yeah … underwear? and holding the camera down down unto her tits ….) ;D
Oh, and another one is: “My motto is ‘Don’t dream your life, live your dreams!” YAY.
This post warmed my people-hating heart.
The one that kills me is “I’m damaged goods”. What a load of crap! Like you’re surrounded by a population of people who have been raised in a bubble by perfect parents and having every need gratified. We’ve all had some damage here and there and it’s how we deal with it that makes us the quality person we are. A single friend of mine told her that a guy she was dating told her that ‘damaged goods’ excuse after treating her poorly, and frankly i wanted to puke. Or call the a-hole and tell him that no excuse is the right excuse for treating someone in a shabby manner. Some of the greatest men and women on the planet could make that ‘damaged goods’ claim but they have too much character.
My favourite corporate phrases are ‘let’s catch up’, read: ‘let’s go into a meeting room so I can grill you about something minor so that I look busier and more important’ and ‘love in’, read: boring brainstorming session. Great post.
OH! wow totally forgot about Corporate Idiocy… Thanks for reminding me 😦
I love to laugh, I didn’t laugh,so I get out.
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Maybe going to the school of hard knocks means your parents gave you up for adoption at age 5, that you were separated from your siblings and never saw them again, because you were adopted into different families. Maybe it means that your adopted parents, between the two of you, beat and sexually molested you several times a week, so you left home at 14 because you couldn’t stand it anymore. Then you find out that you can’t cope in society because no on taught you any coping skills, so the only way you COULD learn, was through your mistakes. On the way, you teach yourself to play the piano, to think critically, to write well, to empathize and relate well, and basically teach yourself everything about how the world works and then one day you find that you are a self made individual with many achievements, although none are recognized by recognized institutions because you are self taught. Hence, the school of hard knocks. I passed. I’m not going to apologize for where I got my education. That’s right. I’m a regular Jane who came through the school of hard knocks, so what you see is what you get. I speak my mind, so deal with it. I’m book smart AND street smart. You hate people? I embrace my misanthropeness.
I think the point is that people should write THAT (what you just wrote), then, instead of mindless, meaningless cliches that people repeat without thinking.
And I love long walks on the beach and blah, blah, blah. Great, funny and true post.
Pretty sure you just read my mind and typed a more eloquent version of what I was thinking…
ok hold on… I’m not that smart and cool.
On Facebook, my status updates alternate between “I’m the total package” and “I’m the total package, just sayin!”
Your list, however, has made me wonder whether these may be a bit hackneyed. I’m thinking of trying out “I love to laugh because I’m the total package. . . just sayin! LMAOBITTPJS (Laughing My Ass Off Because I’m the Total Package Just Sayin)! Please advise.
Wow, you really nailed the common Facebook user!
What about girls who call themselves classy and say other girls are trash but in reality they are devoid of class themselves 🙂 those always give me a good chuckle
Like I commented on someone earlier, Girls who call themselves classy and fabulous are the same girls who end up puking in the bar bathroom later that night.
I luv this post. It’s all so true.
-Haleigh ❤ 🙂
Actually laughed out loud as I was reading this! .. my dogs just looked at me wondering what the hell my problem was ?! When I was done reading…I was reminded that most people bother me too !! HATE ..the “fishing for compliments people”!! Don’t make me exhaust myself trying to pump up your self esteem! ” I’m scared to try this…what if I’m not good at it? ” ” Yea..good point. Don’t waste your energy!”
“I don’t like drama…” Definitely my favorite of these. Or, “My mom tells me I’m special.” Or any quote along the lines of “jump…and fall against a star…smack right into the thing.”
I think this is awesome. And I think it’s meant to be hilarious, not intense or something to get defensive over. I’m pretty sure when I was thirteen, I had this on my little aim screen name blurb. It happens to the best of us.
Haha this is so true. Especially the “I don’t like drama”. Every person I have ever seen say that on Facebook is someone that gossips/starts things/posts about drama nearly every day.
Amen! That’s exactly what I thought when I read the post!
Haha, I was skeptical about reading this at first just because I would have thought it to be not my taste but it turns out you got my attention and I was very amused. Short and sweet, good stuff man!
loooll!! this is awesome!! :-D.. absolutely hilarious!!! 😀
“Well who the hell doesn’t love to laugh? Really?
“I tried it one time and I almost puked…” “Laughing? no thanks, I only do that when I’m depressed.” “I prefer not to laugh, it only makes me want to hurt children.”
Made me laugh so hard. Thank you! And word to all of those lines. Very glad I would never dream of using those lines to describe myself. Though I’m not sure how I would anyway
Made me laugh, very entertaining/insightful! Thank you. I will now pay more attention to how people describe themselves on Facebook 🙂
Hilarious.
Writer of the pretty awesome blog that brags about why things are important.
sowhydoesthatmatter.wordpress.com
I love this post 🙂 Nice job!
Really enjoyed this, glad to find something on my level. Working in the public sector, serving customers every day, you hear so much of this, not only stupidity but ignorance as well. A lot of people seem to drift around not even taking in the ways the world is changing around them every day, and that the rest of us are bored with certain catch phrases. It upsets me that some people are attracted to these profiles. They may even meet on that basis, and later have babies.
J’ai pensé que c’était hilarant!
I think this means you think its hilarious. Im not sure. I only speak a little french.
SO true! Another red flag? People who say they’re “laid back” or “really easy going”. That probably means of two either: you’re lazy or you’re super high maintenance.
Good point, I didn’t think of that phrase!
Here’s one I saw once: “Am I the only one who wants world peace?”
Yes buddy, just you. Nobody else 😉
Hilarious!
I wish you’d reply to this comment but I’m just so ugly and I know that there’s no chance that will happen.
Jason is fricking awesome.
Sorry, my comment was defensive. This IS a funny article. Went to the site, and see it was written by a young, witty woman. I’m much older and I think I may have forgotten how to laugh. Lesson to all you youngsters – Don’t let the journey toward self improvement cause you to become self important. I will be taking a page from my own notes here. Congrats on making the front page Maximum Wage.
This might just be the coolest retraction I have ever seen on the entire internet. You, my dear, win 10,000 internets.
Enjoyed your blog, really made me smile.
1. “What you see is what you get”
Seems to me like they are trying to not only convince themselves but others of this lie. Clearly no one is what they seem. Do I seem like I want to stuff that phone down the guys mouth when he keeps talking on it for hours on end in traffic? No . . . it is how we protect ourselves isn’t it?
2. “Just a regular guy/gal here”
Whats regular? Isn’t that objective? Seems to me it screams accept me!!
3. “I speak my mind so deal with it.”
There is a time and place to speak your mind, no reason to be rude and push your views on others who don’t really care. I don’t know if it’s just me but I think certain rules should be followed in society, were those who are loud and opinionated don’t always have to be heard especially when they are wrong. I might be wrong, I can accept if I am.
4. “I’m so ugly”
Firstly no one is ugly, insecure people try and make you believe you are, but I don’t think anyone can be ugly. Secondly a person who sadly truly felt ugly would not voice this, they would feel too insecure. Thirdly why do you need approval from society?
5. “I don’t like drama”
Life’s way simpler without it.
6. “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”
On your mistakes bit, people who are book smart make mistakes too,and beat themselves up about it pretty hard. I don’t really know how to reply to this one.
Oh, but i do hate people sometimes too lol
I would agree with this post. Add these too:
Another way of how people would describe themselves is like this: I hate plastics, feeling close and backfighters, which is really annoying because most of these people are actually doing it. Lawl.
Hilarious, only problem is I truely love to laugh loooool
OMG NO WAY! TOTES GOING TO RETWEET THIS! LMFAO!
Best. Reply. Ever.
OH MAN! I agree with this 15 times over. I all hate when people say they are awesome, but maybe I’m just getting too picky with it.
Anyways, you’re brilliant for bringing this up.
L.O.L.
Yeah, those are all about right. Don’t forget “I am a loner in the world and don’t want to be your friend” types. If you are such a loner, why are you on this social website again?
I saw the “Hello my name is Awesome” label on a tee shirt recently, but it was worn by an eight year old boy and he seemed like he might actually be awesome, so it was not as annoying as it could have been.
OH! wow totally forgot about Corporate Idiocy… Thanks for reminding me
-Hurray! Does this mean we can count on an entirely separate post, on Corporate Idiocy this time?
Possibly
I love Americans … the way they think outside the box … I like this photograph and that photograph can you see me liking you I wish you’d like me too …
Hahaha great post! The worst is in Art class and the girl says ugh, mine sucks ver loud so everyone hears and hers is clearly the best. One time i replied with a chuckle and a, damn right it does!
http://www.eartharoundus.wordpress.com
How about “I don’t like hypocrites?” Most people who write that are actually hypocrites themselves. Or “Arts is my life.” Lame.
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This is genius. I’m going through my friends list and deleting everyone who has an idiotic “About Me”. NO LOSERS ON MY FRIENDS LIST.
The dumbest one I’ve seen yet (which reminds me of your #1) is “I live my life by the words ‘Live, Laugh, Love’.” You know what words I live my life by? “Breathe, Eat, Shit: Because you have to so you don’t die.”
You just impressed me… Thats hard to do.
I just facebook-liked this comment…IN MY MIND.
I think that these phrases are especially common inside of dating websites too. People end up going with the “I’m just a regular guy/gal” plus a bunch of the other ones too. I love the “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Love this post! One time, I saw this status message of this woman in my Facebook list. She said, “I feel horribly deformed. I hate looking at myself in mirror.” And her new profile picture is of her in a two-piece bikini, in which she looked very beautiful. So yeah, I replied, “No, you’re not deformed. Just a bit fat which doesn’t necessarily mean ugly. You seemed to have gained a bit of weight, as I can tell from your photo.” Needless to say, she deleted my comment.
Anyway, this is why I hate Facebook. Oh, I still use it, but more for following my subscriptions and promoting my blog. I think I’ve hidden about a half of the people in my list from my news feed just because I can’t stand their asinine updates.
But what I hate most is the humble brags. Yup. Those insincerely modest people who just want to let everyone in the world how awesome their life is but packaging it a ‘humble statement.’ Like, “After my fast promotion from a lowly clerk to company vice president, I’m now surrounded by talented and brilliant people around whom I feel inadequate. Indeed, I realize that there is much to for me to learn in spite of the vast knowledge I already have.” I really hate those people.
Yikes. I think I’m a bit of a misanthrope myself! It’s because social networking brought out the stupidity in a lot of people.
I am so proud of you for writing that.
Actually, to be completely honest (because I know you expected a fake lie and whatnot), the exact opposite of each of these traits is more than slightly obnoxious as well. I’m a big fan of (again, I’m pretty sure you thought I was going to suddenly list the dislikes of another individual) narcissism myself!
What can I say that hasn’t already been said? Great post, well done and hilarious
That was a really funny name card 🙂
And my name is “Hey Baby”
I’m glad I’m not the only person who’s noticed that people who declare that they hate drama are often the direct cause of all drama within a 100 mile radius. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
Great post!
Just found your blog, always love to run to another fellow WordPress blogger!
This list is hilarious, reminds me a lot of the kind of posts we have on ours. It’s hilarious how true these points are.
Great blog, definitely following!
Brooke and Mckenzie
brookeandmckenzie.wordpress.com
Good point 🙂
Hilarious post! By the way, how do your posts get on ‘Freshly Pressed’?
I have no clue. It just happened and this is my first one. As far as I can tell being freshly pressed is like the tooth fairy visiting you. You don’t even know until you wake up.
Yeah, I dig when the person on the dating website says something like, “I like movies, music, and reading.” With no adjectives or details or anything. You can basically take it to mean, “I like bad movies, lame music, and reading shitty books.”
Great post! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
You can tell who are the people who have these six elements in their “about me” description because they’ve left angry comments defending themselves even though they weren’t called out specifically and nobody would have ever known they were the offenders in question had they not spoken up. But that’s okay; they just speak their minds. What you see is what you get, right? I don’t believe in sugarcoating. I’m equally comfortable in jeans or a tuxedo, also.
Brutally honest hilarity. I like it.
This post was so funny, it made me laugh. And that’s saying something because I hate to laugh!
YOU HATE LAUGHING!? Me too! Good luck in college!
My big one is “I only speak the truth”. Well you know I have yet to encounter someone who publically states “I only speak in lies”. When I hear someone say this it makes me feel leary of them.
This was awesome, “I love to laugh”! I’ve caught on that “I hate drama” is really code for “I need Maury Povich and The Bachelor more than air”.
Ugh, I hear you. Another thing I hate (generally on Twitter) is when people try to be funny by saying stuff like, “Insert clever bio here.”
Funny! Well-written, too.
Amazing! I would have to say in addition to not only people having such a wonderful selection of choice words for themselves, they also fail to notice what the red dotted line under misspelled words indicates. It’s cool if you speak your mind, but I don’t know what a “mynd” is. Ah! Red dotted line! (unfortunately, I can only see it!) Congrats though!!! 🙂
I totally agree with this post…and I’m not even on FB -_-”
How about people who go…”I’m creative.” in that superior, smug tone of voice? That always pisses me off. Especially if it’s (not) true.
Btw, I’m guilty of using #5 to describe myself…because I don’t LIKE DRAMA!!! A LOT!!! 😉
Not a fan of the “girl/guy next door” thing. No one is that stereotypically average, and besides who would want to be? Plus, I’ve lived next door to some real assholes.
I don’t have facebook, so I didn’t even know people did this. Maybe these people felt they had to have a description line, so they made it as vague as possible and put little thought into it. Personally, I’d just leave it blank until something really descriptive came to mind, like I did with my blogs. If you haven’t figured yourself out yet, don’t be ashamed. A lot of us are in that camp!
Totally agree with everything here! How about those sayings people type like this:
***~~~I’Mm $o B3aU+iFuLl!~~~***
Love these.
“I don’t like drama” tends to translate in one of the following ways, in my experience:
1. “I don’t realize (or won’t admit) that I THRIVE on drama, manufacturing 100% of the drama in my own life, and 90% of the drama in the lives of everyone around me.”
2. “I don’t like YOUR drama. I want to be the creator of the drama – and there will be PLENTY – so don’t waste my time with yours.”
3. “My life is chock full of people who fall in categories 1 or 2, and although I /claim/ to hate drama, I either can’t or won’t separate myself from it.”
4. “I just got out of a relationship with one of the above people, and I really /don’t/ want drama… but I haven’t yet figured out that announcing ‘I don’t like drama’ is like holding up a “Send Drama My Way” sign.”
The reason this one bugs me is that essentially, stating this just draws out the drama in others. I try to keep my life a /needless/ drama-free zone as much as possible, but it’s actually more effective to just deal with issues before they escalate, and remove myself from situations where someone is just stirring the pot for the pure joy of it.
I love….blogs that make me laugh. Especially when the comments following also cause considerable laughter as well.
Hubby used to say, “oh, you know me,….Mr. Easy Going” which I translated to mean, you’re a royal pain in the ass, but I’m simply a better person (just ask his mother). Fortunately he got over himself.
You stole my name tag.
Super post! congratulations on being freshly pressed. Agree 100% with what you’ve said. My personal peeve with facebook is the inane nonsense people post as their status update like “sleeping” or “sad” or “i’m so confused” and all the idiots who LIKE it. There’s been zero activity on my FB for the last few years though i hesitate to delete the account as I’m still deluded enough to believe there are reasonable people out there who need to be able to find me easily!
hah. great rant.
here’s when i know how to avoid someone: when they describe themselves as a “disgustingly cheerful morning person.” ew ew ew ew ew. just thinking about what that entails ruined my day.
If anyone describes themselves like this I might be tempted to punch them.
Simply amazing. There is nothing better then to find a witty little person with the ability to entertain us with writing the things we all wish to say. Not to mention the cackles and laughs that come along with such comments because oh yes my dear, I love to laugh!
You type so well!
My parents and I just cracked up – I think I’ll ask my next Match.com date if he is “Sesame Street Smart” – LOL! 😉
Ha ha ha, I personally cannot stand overly happy people, those eternal optimists. I would like to pounce on them when they are not looking and prove to them that life is not always “peachy” 🙂
Liked your post. These are some phrases people use to show themselves down-to-earth and very friendly but inside its just a hunger for comments I guess.
I can’t stand people that think that their baby is so amazing and cute. No, he/she is not special – your baby is just like any other baby and there’s nothing special about it (unless it has got some kind of rare syndrome of course).
What if it has superpowers? did you think of that one?
All are very cliche and what you’re really saying is that you spent all of your life making mistakes and paying for them.—LOL
All of these are so true! lmaoo
I enjoyed a good, hearty laugh. Several of them. Because I love to laugh.
Thanks for the incredibly entertaining read
Gave me a great laugh. Awesome post!
🙂
uponatlas.
Nice and different post..
nice blog !!
How about when you go into someone’s facebook “about me” and you find:
“If you want to know about me, ask me.” (Ugh, no I came to read this so I wouldn’t have to ask you!)
“I’m so bad about writing in these” (Then leave it blank!)
“I love (name of boyfriend of only 2 months) FOREVER!” (I don’t want to know about your boyfriend, I want to know about you!)
Awesome post! I really enjoyed reading it! 😀 You make such valid points, was nodding at all of them!
Had a good laugh while reading through this ‘coz well, you know, I love to laugh. But, seriously, what a “hobby” – laughing. I’d rather sing, even if I might be out of tune. At least, you won’t criticize me for writing “I sing in broken notes” in my description… uh, you won’t, right?
Haha! Try mine though it’s pretty…..long. http://reignscythe.wordpress.com/about/
So true, oh so true! Congrats on FP’d!
lol!
You’re fucking hilarious! These are the things that make life sweeter. There shouldn’t be an about me at all…impression management is human nature, so at least 80% of what is being said already doesn’t count. Besides any well rounded individual should know that very little of a person’s true essence can be explored a) in a paragraph b) on facebook. The painful truths of the mundane social network experience…
Hello to all the things I dislike (haha) about Facebook profiles. the one I dislike the most is “Just ask me about me ;)” and “hit me up and I’ll tell you about me! :D”. Thank you for writing this. It made my day a little better 🙂
Glad I could do that. 🙂
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Reblogged this on So, When does it get easier? and commented:
these sound like all dating sites…yuk… run!!!
Okay, I always feel difficult to describe me on my profile and make it individual. I may just write all these 6 on my profile and it would be attractive. Just for fun, LOL.
This is hilarious, but more hilarious because its actually true (I think). Thank God I’ve never written any of those on any social networking sites.
By the way, congrats on being freshly pressed.
I once went to a mangement seminar where the moderator asked us all to describe ourselves with one word. There was a lot of this type of thing. Efficient, hard-working, driven, pretty-boy even listed handsome. The moderator then told us that he was disappointed that not one of us described ourselves as “Honest”. Seemed quite upset when I pointed out that we were all men, and yet nobody listed “Male”, and nobody had used “Alive”, even though we all were. You don’t have to list the self-obvious. In fact, if you do, people start to wonder. Methinks the Lady doth protest too much.
I went through an interview process recently and on one sheet we were asked what our skills were. I put, “Turning Frowns upside down.” I got a few laughs. You should have said “Male” just to see who had a sense of humor.
grreat, more please!
Why don’t people just admit to being average? Most are that’s why we have average
Ha! This is fantastic, it reads like something from Cracked.com! You should write for them (:
I just don’t think what everybody writes on his/her profile describes what him/her as real.
“…I like watching TV and stuff. I like to do things, and watch people doing things.” If you don’t have a personality that’s fine, just admit” – Hilarious and so true!!!
I wonder if these silly people will read this and take note!
Other posts are great and I’m following 🙂
Also a cliche:
I’m done doing [this] because it makes me hate people and I hate doing that.
YEAH RIGHT.
Loved the list. Thought it was funny. Laughed a bit.
I thought it was slightly ironic that despite advertising your mother’s advice (“If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say it at all.”—>some good, sound advice.), you chose to make a list!
😛
Oh yeah. I’m a total hypocrite.
great people talk about ideas.average people talk about things.small people talk about other people:)
BUUUUUURRRRRRNNNNN ON ME! OH snap! I’m gonna go cry in my corner now..
“I don’t like drama” 😀
Thanks for making me laugh! 🙂
I love this and completely agree! Thanks for the laugh this morning — since, as you know, everyone loves to laugh!
Thanks! and you’re welcome! And yes, the only people who don’t like laughing are the people who hurt when they laugh.
CHEERS!!!!!!!!I laughed a lot when I read your post, and hated every second of it. (NOT really!;)
I just did a post about this guy who wrote me from a dating site his profile read:
“Good looking, secure and charming man looking for a positive and attractive woman.
I’m a cool and laid back guy, I appreciate life and what it has to offer and what it has provided me. I believe in old fashion values. I appreciate and very much respect the people in my life. I strive for a loving and positive home environment and teach my children the values of life. If you have more tattoos than fingers, curse more than my Grandfather and believe the world starts and finishes with you, we won’t connect.”
I wonder if he appreciated his last wife and the old-fashioned divorce he was provided with.. I was considering writing him and asking for his Grandpa’s number.
THAT is the BEST profile EVER! Seriously. you found a total winner there.
lol so hilarious!!!! especially the part about wanting to hurt children…idk why that makes me laugh though… 😛 haha very good reading between the lines! 😉
MW, what you have in the comments alone amounts to a gold vein waiting to be tapped. If Sh*t My Dad Says can provoke virtual ripples in the fabric of space-time, then I see golden opportunity for you as well. Tweet these out!
Having said that, I don’t use Twitter. Too many morons who can type.
There is, as you can see by the flood of supporting views, a market for your (forgive me Colbert) truthiness. So what if stupid people don’t like you. For those who may be waiting for the qualifier to follow that statement . . . it doesn’t require one.
Well done, sir!
Thanks, this really means a lot to me. I have to admit that writing for a living would be fun. And thanks again for the compliments.
Also, nice use of Truthiness.
Love this. Congrats on being freshly pressed!
Thanks!
‘Trying to change my life/other people/the world one day at a time’ Horrible, syrupy, puke.
Awesome! I’m so happy I found this post lol it’s so true.
I can honestly say that I have used all of these descriptions…given, I was 16 years old at the time and had severe teen angst lol
I still like the classic “New profile pic up! Comment on mine and I’ll comment on yours!”….posted by 25-30 year olds.
That reminds me of the time my cousin was in the Bahamas and this little boy kept saying “some dogs bark, some dogs bark, some dogs bark” but every body knows that so I just wanted to slap him sooo hard, I mean, That is so stupid you’re so weird.
PS. love you’r blog
Oh my fuck that was hilarious, I am so going to check back on every post. Brillaint read
LOL , genius!
Oh I can just picture number 4 happening, haha. And that last one I’ve seen before, by my old next door neighbor, who is a tool I might add.
I typically don’t read the random blogs that show up on the homepage for wordpress but your title caught my eye- and for the I give you props. But your article was less than amusing. The way you describe people in an entirety as “stupid” repeatedly with no other adjective gives the impression that either you are in middle school or an immature high schooler? I don’t mean to take offense at that but what I hate the most (more than those too commonly used phrases) are people who say they “hate people”, all people. Whether you socialize in person or online everyone has the need to connect with other people. If the things people post on their facebook annoy you- just cancel your account, don’t make rude and uncalled for comments like “yeah you are ugly”.
So here’s the deal:
I agree with everything you said 100%.
I need to double-check my Facebook profile now that I have seen the potential error of my ways.
…
Ok, good. I’m not an idiot.
What I also hate is when people post something really personal like:
– I can’t believe what’s happening to me!
– Last night was so special
– I’m so depressed
And when someone asks them about it they’re like:
– Long story
– Don’t want to talk about it
– It’s something personal
Then why the hell you post it for your 400 friends? Looking for attention maybe?
haha, so true! I have to chare this on my facebook profile, got so many of those! haha
OMG…that was great…it made me smile 🙂 thx for a great day to my day 🙂
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#5 is definitely my favorite. Because obviously there are so many of us who LOVE drama in our lives. Great write!
Good one… !!…. I n’joyed reading it.
Reading your blog, I don’t believe, you hate people but you try to think through other angle… 🙂 In fact, I don’t hate people who make me laugh… 🙂
BTW, congrats on being freshly pressed…
I hate to laugh. I think laughing is overrated. I prefer to sulk and when I die I don’t want anyone to say “she was so full of life” because the last four words of that stock phrase are just a waste. : )
Great post by the way.
Bawhahahahaha! The one about “i don’t like drama” is sooooooo frikin true! Also, I might add that the people who say “I hate two-faced people” are usually the most two-faced of them all!
One to the list –
I’m
S- Smart
T-Talented
U-Unique
P- Personlity
I -in
D-Demain
Hell, yeah!
Love the post. My personal favorite is from the dating sites. It goes like this “I’m not into mind games”, which, if said by a man, means “don’t expect me to try and impress you, I am only interested in F&#%ing you as soon as possible and, preferably, without conversation of any sort.”
This is so funny!!!
So true!
How about “I have the best friends a girl/guy could ask for”?
Or family, job, etc…
# 4 made me giggle, thanks for a funny start to my day!
Why is all this profile information required in the first place? It is exactly like those introductions where you have to tell people, “a bit about yourself.” Or when you meet someone and you have to do that thing where you shake hands and say where you are from or what it is that you do for a living. I have never gotten much out of that information. It is really boring to listen to, and it is also boring to be forced to provide this information for someone you will probably never have to see again ever in your life.
Allow me to tell you a bit about myself. I hate introductions. The end.
P.S. I also hate drama. And cancer.
While I could go on about the need for such stupid introductions let me ask, how did you meet your current friends? At some point everyone has THE conversation.
I don’t even know what my friends do at work. Damn. You are right. I should really ask them.
Nothing like a good diatribe and the smell of napalm in the morning. Today will be a good day. Thanks.
This is really hilarious
Lol! This is about those people who tell you who they think they are without actually allowing you to find out.
I really enjoyed this post! First time at your site, thanks to you being freshly pressed you were easy to find! Congrats!
“It’s funny because it’s true” that’s the cliche I would use for this post! lOl
…And this is one of the many reasons why I do not have a facebook page.. Nice Job, I will be visiting here often!
http://www.unknowinglee.wordpress.com
lee
So glad this was freshly pressed! It was hilarious, and so, so true! I also love your choice of picture, because awesome things are just awesome. 🙂
I have to agree with #5 people who make that comment are the ones who LOOOOOOOOOVEEEE to stir it up.
That’s funny, I don’t care who you are.
omg you’re funny and it’s so sad how true this is
Hilarious post 🙂
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Wait, I didn’t know we were facebook friends…
Yes, you are AWESOME 🙂 This was great fun to read!!
Have you come across the “Music is mah life!” sort?
I love to laugh. I laughed from this post. I’m just a regular guy 😉 funny!
So true and funny to boot. I had an epiphany lately…be authentic and shut up about it. Be all about doing – you’ll get credit for it, or not. Getting credit is not the point, just showing up is.
Thanks so much!
hahahahahahaha i am smart, braty, and a great girlfriend
definitely what it is rs tuves especially when you see yourself in the future and what time it will be hard-but you will be …..
is all according to how you impose it to be what you want to be even when your cres that everything will go wrong is not so …..
Wow you have a lot of comments…I thought I would just annoy you…hehe
GRRR!
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Lovely post!!
When I was 15 I gotta admit that I was a bit like #4, but now I look back and I wish I could go back in time to slap myself =D
I have a huge issue with people self proclaiming themselves as ‘weird’ ‘strange’ or ‘random’, when they are in fact, not. Shouting ‘purple socks’ at random times, being a teenager or anything else, does not make you any of these things, and labeling yourself as such is just sad and annoying.
I just found this article today and it is really funny, made me laugh real hard that I guess I almost pee in my pants. Really great stuff, I hope to see more
I think having a description on Facebook is a bit unnecessary anyways because I think it’s weird to add people I don’t know. And if it’s a new friend that I’ve met I’d prefer them learn about me by hanging out with me rather than reading a profile. I know I’m stating the obvious here, but social networking really has ruined face to face interaction and the fun of getting to know somebody.
for class gotta write about someones blog. I was laughing the whole time while reading this because its so true!! the one i hate the most is hi im ugly on facebook. People just say that to get comments. I also see the i like to laugh and have a good time. as you said hello thank you captain obvious who doesn’t?!! I don’t even bother with the about me on fb. All my close friends know what im like and don’t need to read my about me. also i don’t just add random people on facebook! plus i post pictures because i like photography. people can like it or not. not gonna go fishing for comments. thanks for the blog i found it hysterical!! 🙂
I know we’ve all come across these descriptions at one time or another, and you are right… some are better left unsaid. If I wasn’t learning about coordination and balance and the proprioceptive part of our wonderful auditory system I would say that riding a bike doesn’t take much ‘thought’…but I’m sure there’s plenty of adults who still can’t ride a bike who will argue against it. I’m detail-oriented, take it or leave it. lol
You know…I have thought all of those same things. Especially regarding the “I hate drama” thing. That seems to me to be the biggest sign that the speaker is the biggest drama queen in their circle of acquaintance.
Well done, sir. Well done.
Hahaha – this entry had me flashing back to clicking through online dating profiles. Had to quit because what I saw really wasn’t what I got!
Your blog is great – thanks for the awesomeness!
haha that is all SO true! Facebook status’s are so entertaining sometimes.
So I guess ‘I just want to be happy’ is a bad one?
Of course, who wouldn’t want to be happy?
Should it rather say, ‘I’m a type of person that finds a need to find good things in all kinds of situation. I believe that being sad doesn’t approve whatever the bad situations that I’m in. Rather than spending times that will be gone anyway in sadness, I prefer to find at least one thing to be happy about everyday?’
(This is just an example.)
Rather than a long winded paragraph, a simple ‘I just want to be happy’ phrase suffices.
I do agree that certain phrases are redundant but I think that a simple phrase doesn’t necessarily means that it is redundant or stupid. At one point in time when you find yourself saying something rather obvious and simple and truthful but having someone say it is stupid, you will realize that being technical can be such a pain.
Now, I do find this post amusing. 😉
I love this. Cracked up into tears at my cube at work. Woops!
good one. i’m surprised you didn’t mention the ones that has something really corny to do with love and finding love or ‘finding myself’.
oooooh and also something to do with being ‘crazy and loud’
Oh crap. Guess I really screwed up because I really do love drama. I’m a girl with a lot on my mind, so I write about it. (Not quite,”I speak my mind, so deal with it”, but a close second). I might be a regular gal, but I doubt it. Somehow irregular seems a better fit. I loved this post for your super realism and nearly clairvoyant description of the social scene.You seem like a real cool dude. How’s that?
I love my “peeps”. I hate fakes and flakes. Don’t mess with me. I’m here to party!
Good God 😉
NO WAY GIRL! I hate fakes flakes too! totally gonna represent this town tonight at the PARTAY!
This is an awesome post. The moral of the story is to say what you mean to say.
Have you ever seen the self-promoting descriptions on LinkedIn? I think those are totally appropriate as well.
this made my morning! hahaha (well at least it’s morning here)
another one that I hate: “simple” (seriously, it sounds like a 10 year old answering a slum book.)
I hate being last, I’m a saprano and a Christian–
Man, you made me laugh and I’ll be thinking about this post for awhile.
Your post made me laugh. I hate that. Damn you! 🙂
Awesome blog – and so true. I see WAY to many people fishing for compliments with their pics. They’ll post completely posed, half-naked pouting modelesque photos, and then cast the bait and almost invariably there are dozens of people eager to take it! Sigh.
I reviewed Don Watson’s Death Sentence, which is similarly about meaningless, overused speech (specifically, in this book, corporate speak) – I also made my own rage comic to go with it… check it out. I think you’d like the book; a well-reasoned rant by a great writer and speaker.
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This a great post and something I always think about too – cliches totally grind my gears. I’ve always hated “I colour outside of the lines.”
It’s all well and good to be an individual, but bad art still sucks.
Thanks for the laugh!
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Hilarious! And so true….
Love this! And so, so true, especially the one about the drama…every person who has to convince me that they are a “no-drama” person was a highly dramatic individual.
LMAO! What about people who TMI on their about me section. There’s a persona who shall remain nameless who goes in depth in her about me section and I quote
“I have an amazing story to tell. You just have to take the time to read the book. If you’re fake, I can see right through you. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and brass knuckles around my neck.
Everyday in my life is a new journey, and I am gradually learning. I have a great life. I cant keep white clean to save my life. I am somewhat of a clutz. Bubble baths, chocolate, and vodka are my guilty pleasures. Chances are I know more about sports than you think. I am my own person, and I am independent. GET SOME REAL SUBSTANCE IN YOUR LIFE!!! If I don’t like you, I will not pretend to like you. I love to go out! But i also love to stay in and watch movies with someone special:).I love animals, so if you don’t like my dogs, sorry for ya! Fashion is my life.I love every aspect of it. On my to do list is attending fashion week. It would definitely be a dream come true. I am a Fashion Merchandising major and hope to become a Personal Stylist. I cry, I’m sensitive, and I get jealous and insecure. Get over it! I’m human! I can come off as cocky, but I’m actually a very modest person. If you think you know me by looking at me, chances are your observations are way off. Only God can judge me:) I’m stronger than you think. Im sort of a clutz. I am the girl next door, a girly girl, and one of the guys all rolled into one:)
I have a huge heart:) ” ….. REALLY?
barf
My thoughts, exactly!
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All those cliches… Ugh. You brought a few of them out and it’s hilarious! 😀 I really enjoyed reading this post. My favorite was “I don’t like drama.” We all know that Drama Queens/Kings love to make that disclaimer! 🙂
My number one hated description is “If you’re my friend I am the BEST friend… I will do ANYTHING for my friends, give them the shirt off my back, just anything… but if you’re gonna be a bitch to me… then I am the biggest bitch you’ve ever seen!” For one- aren’t we all….? And two, this is usually said by your most selfish friend. What does that even mean?! What are you trying to say about yourself? Not a thing.
Nice article and observations…..
Ah you just made my day with this post! 🙂
Wow man … I like your style …what a darn cool way of getting so many people to start a convo…..but the uber cool part was that I did not disagree with you on any point. That was a
nifty article in managing to spill some venom.
nice post
From a person whose status updates evidence them as such a caricature of LA I can’t help but wonder if they’re taking the piss:
“One of my gurus just told me: ‘Very Very interesting. The universe really likes you very very much.’ Damn right it does.
There comes a time when you believe your dream more than the illusion…It is then that your life becomes the dream!
I feel Radiant: I LOVE how everything in my life is clicking into place! Click, click, click…
Better to be eccentric yet authentic vs. popular yet plastic.
Change “them” by changing yourself. People only learn by example. Change is contagious. Consciousness is contagious. So’s Love.
DissatisfACTION should lead to action; action to change the thing or to change your attitude towards it (acceptance).
I am Eternal Energy. What do I do with it?
Time: The saner I get, the crazier I seem.”
why folks over react too much.
great post, probably good you stopped at 6, you probably could fill a book up with this topic and think how pissed off you would be. I am off to avoid the drama…ha love that one
hahahaha you are right! 😀
Haha I love this, had me laughing out loud by the third line! I’ll be looking forward to reading more of your stuff
Laissez les bon temps roulez tres vite
number two has some loyal ‘describer’ here in my country. 😆
the reason why i think it’s annoying because it usually means they tend to be ‘melodramatic’ by obscuring their wits (e.g.using the internet) while they keep posting those 13-yo teenager statuses. 😀
(i dont mean to be a jerk about this but, hey, im just a regular man. ;-D)
its really good article thank you.
every single one of those was golden, perfect for a morning of colleague irritation and rubbish snacks. thank you! 🙂
“Just an average Joe” is one that really irritates me. Or anyone that describes themselves as x years “young” rather than x years “old”.
All so true. There are very few good answers to most of these profiles. The “tell me about” question should only be used in job interviews and the responses not published. This is why I leave so many boxes blank. Great post.
Please enjoy this comic that I didn’t create: http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2093
Very cool post, my friend! Great title and awesome style. As a fellow wage slave, I am impressed!
Cool posts. A great way to describe yourself is to let someone else do it. Many of us don’t have a clue and are possibly afraid to know the truth about ourselves. The person who says, “What you see is what you get” is likely clueless. But friends and family will hit the nail on the head….it yes that can hurt.
Ahhhh…Dear sir…I believe that you’ve overlooked one crucial item that appears on nearly every ‘online profile’…”What is your relationship status?”
Single= it’s just you in this world…all alone and desperate for someone…ANYONE…to, at least, view your profile
In a Relationship = You’re dating one person…but…it never hurts to keep on a-lookin’
Married = (hopefully) you’re happy, satisfied and content with whomever it is that you’ve claimed on that legal certificate
AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE….
It’s COMPLICATED = You are dating/ living with/ married to someone that you, all of the sudden, find irritating, boring, mundane, no more romance, the chemistry is gone…BECAUSE…you just saw my smokin’ hot picture on that same site!
Ehh…it could happen.
Be real brotha’
xoxo
Julie
I just love, “You should probably look into having some kind of inner monologue.”!!! I loved the post! Thanks for sharing! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!!!
Hey, just came across your blog this morning. Love it! I only had a chance to read this one, but I’m looking forward to reading all the ones previous. Rather entertaining. You made me take a look at my facebook and see what I wrote down for describing About Me. Just starting my blog page so I have nothing on it yet. Title is Cyber Cheers, where everybody knows your avatar. Not very original, but I think it will describe the purpose of my blog pretty well. Thanks for the morning laughs and I’ll be checking back often.
YES!
Your explanations were right on. I couldn’t agree more. A few of them are commen among some of my friends. So Annoying! We’re all different so just be glad you’re not one of them. But don’t hate them. They’re just challenged. 🙂
Love this post Hilarious just made economics class not boring for a day
Awesome post! However, i suppose that my usual retort of being “just one among many” when people describe me with endearing descriptor isn’t to your liking either then?
I LOVE that you actually pointed this out! It’s funny & oh so true!
Whenever I go out with my siblings I usually hear a comment like “Wow, you guys look alike!”.
Instead of calling them an idiot to their face, I chose to politly respond with, “Ya, I know, same parents…”
I usually get a dirty look in response BUT a ton of a laughs from others listening into the conversation.
Adi
http://www.thesquarerootofapplepie.wordpress.com
Re: number 3 – totally agree. EVERYONE has seen Bambi. Remember those wise words that Thumper had to learn and apply that cartoon to yourself!
Nice bambi reference!
Number 4 made me laugh 🙂 So true, I have one friend who does that ALL the time. How much more obvious can you get? One of the ones that I really hate is “I really don’t know what to put here.” So why on earth did you put something there? Geez.
This made me laugh so much – you must describe yourself as having a ‘gsoh’
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I’ve never really been one to shamelessly self-promote myself, but I think we share some of the same sentiments:
http://emilycswanson.wordpress.com/2011/09/26/the-seven-cardinal-sins-of-facebook-or-how-to-fast-track-your-way-out-of-someones-friends/
Why is it always Facebook? It’s like giving people a nice, quick overview of the moron within.
Another one to avoid is when you see someone with THAT Marilyn Monroe quote in their info section… (“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”) Seven tenths of the people I know are apparently “hard to handle and insecure”. Shame they lack the actual prowess of Miss Monroe.
I think I must enjoying hating people because I certainly enjoyed your post.
Ahahhaha ‘quick overview of the moron within’ :’) that was hilarious..ohh soo truee! 😛
High five! Coz i hate people too for that. 🙂
How do I describe myself: None of your business. What do I want to know about you: Nothing.
Haha, I love this! You need to add “descriptions of themselves that can be inferred from profile picture”. Seriously, it’s not necessary to tell me exactly what your picture shows.
Haha..I enjoyed you’re blog post! because I completely agree with you here 🙂 on the whole lot. Brilliant post! Number four applies to soo many people out there! It rubs me up the wrong way when I see people posting Facebook statuses to get attention..Eughhh Lol
I seriously love this. I love it because I “wrote” it on my friends head the night she set up her match account and we looked at the available (and oh how original) men out there. Do not interpret that to mean only men are offenders. Women are treated equally on this topic. Just so you know, I frequently say that those who state “I hate drama” are always the shit stirrers. THEY LOVE IT!
so true!
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I laughed so hard about this! Very true and hilarious (:
This is three things at once: true, funny and sad. Very sad. I find it difficult to believe that some people go around saying this and still being proud of what they’ve said or done. To me, it is disgusting and not appealing. I agree with you on this topic.
I made me think of what I wrote…. It was none of the above, yet what to change it!
You’re my kind of funny. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed.
thanks! its been a lot of fun
This is hilarious!
Basicly all of these ppl are lame. I do have one caveat though. I AM the girl that would say ” I don’t like drama”. Not because I like to engender it, but because I completely despise it. To be fair…its such a generic thing to say I don’t think I WOULD ever post that anywhere; however, I’m definitely, the type to say it in person….If I even get a whiff of drama, or even neediness, I’m the girl making tracks while everyone else asks, “ohhhh, are you ok???” gah. Can’t stand that shit. PS. No. I’ve never been FP. Prob never will. I use to look forward to the day…then I realized my writing is so lame I don’t even like to look back on it myself.
You’re right it is a generic thing to say. I have found in my limited experience that guys and girls who have used this line tend to be the starters of the drama.
I am the same way although I’ve never actually used the line. I think my natural easy going self speaks for itself.
PS dont worry maybe one day you’ll get FP. It happened to me. I ain’t all that.
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“I’m random” Are you? are you really? are you sure you aren’t just saying because you can’t face the fact that you are absolutely bog ordinary?