Completely invented Back-stories

These are real… I swear….

1. IN 1607 Three children invented a word game based on their father’s occupation. “Hangman” Is immortalized by 3 kids who saw their dad kill people and decided to turn it into something educational.

Pretty F _ _ _ _ E D up if you think about it.

2.  The American Civil war was started when Robert E lee said some unkind words to Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln took offense and asked that things remain “civil” things escalated, Robert E Lee left for Virginia and the rest is history.

3. Mark Twain, had a really bad speech impediment and was the original inventor of the Train. He named it after himself.

4. The horse was domesticated for the sole reason that a father wanted to please his young daughter with a pretty pony. That man? Attila the Hun.

5. AIDS did truly come about, from a human having sex with a monkey.   As for the Bubonic plague, that was the result of a human and a Rat having intercourse. The logistics of course being problematic but suffice it to say that people were smaller back in the day… When will people learn?


About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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28 Responses to Completely invented Back-stories

  1. JW says:

    You had me at Nazi dinosaurs.

  2. I find your post to be very informative. 🙂

  3. A Frog at Large says:

    I so wish No.3 was true…

  4. Permission to Boogie says:

    You have your history wrong on number two. Lincoln’s quarrel was with Jefferson Davis, who initiated the conflict by calling Lincoln a “total wuss-bag” during a meeting of the Senate.

    • MaximumWage says:

      NO NO! I got it right the first time. Jefferson DAVIS was busy in Jefferson county alabama playing president, while Robert E Lee was having a hard time deciding north or south.

  5. John says:

    Also, the term “being paid under the table” started when people literally crouched under the table at pubs while their employer paid them. This was so that they could avoid being paid taxes.

    Also, the Flying Dutchman story came about when a politician from Holland used so many frequent flyer miles that he became mythical and famous.

  6. zorgor says:

    So I suppose with the story of how Iceland and Greenland were named… it was really just a screw-up?

    • MaximumWage says:

      OH thats a great one! Why didn’t I think of that!

    • Adi says:

      Not exactly… the real story IS funny too though
      “The name Greenland comes from the early Scandinavian settlers. In the Icelandic sagas, it is said that Norwegian-born Erik the Red was exiled from Iceland for murder. He, along with his extended family and thralls, set out in ships to find a land rumoured to lie to the northwest. After settling there, he named the land Grønland (“Greenland”), supposedly in the hope that the pleasant name would attract settlers.”

      Its from Wikipedias, so you know… it HAS to be true 🙂

  7. Ha! I’ve had intercourse with a few rats. They’re taller now and they speak french…

  8. Of course they are real…..this is bigger than wikipedia.

  9. Nastasja says:

    What?… Where in the name of the world do you find these?

  10. paulbeforeswine says:

    So what’s the answer to your Hangman puzzle? There’s one too many spaces for the work I’m thinking 😛

    • Planetnicola says:

      You dirty minded person, you.
      Right! Must stop commenting now before I get politely asked to flip off.

  11. The Hook says:

    Awesome take on history, my friend! I’ve rarely laughed so hard at work!

  12. Planetnicola says:

    Hi, I found your blog yesterday and I’ve never
    laughed or read anything quite like it. You’re such a clever and funny chap. Welldone.
    Thanks for cheering me up 🙂

  13. Wasn’t there also a disease caused by gerbil intercourse?

  14. TheChronicR says:

    Very informative and hilarious. That Hangman and AIDS facts were pretty sick though. Hmm.

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