He is a total Bad Ass.

This is not a bad ass,

This is a bad ass,

  1. He invented SPF1 to spit in the face of skin cancer.
  2. He calls great white sharks the Quarter Horses of the sea….. And yes, he rides them.
  3. He created the Gulf of Mexico when he took a bite out of Texas…. Thats right, he DID mess with Texas, it used to be a lot bigger.
  4. He renamed the Gulf of Texas, the Gulf of Mexico, so that Texas would blame Mexico for the huge BITE taken out of it.
  5. L Frank Baum patterned the character the TIN WOODSMAN after He saw him FIGHT in WW1. Never did L FRANK BAUM see such a man without a heart mercilessly kill his enemies in a suit of armor.
  6. Every time a bell rings an Angel gets its wings, and then has them painfully torn from it. Flying angels are hard to catch.
  7. He ties his shoes in the middle of the street. OH that street? Yeah its a little freeway called I-5 in Los Angeles.
  8. He is a Navy SEAL, Delta Force, Ranger, Green beret and EOD (Explosive ordinance disposal) ninja all rolled into one. He’ll sneak up on you and kill you with his bare hands, knife or even with a bomb. He’ll then disarm the bomb just to mess with you.
  9. The CIA are his intials.
  10. A kid named Luke Nemia stole his car once, so he repaid him by naming a cancer after Luke.
  11. He invented elevators when he accidentally invented movable prison cells.

His name you ask?

I don’t know, he ripped that page out of the yellow pages.

Don’t ask me how I know his initials, I don’t want him to name a cancer after me.


About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
This entry was posted in A Magical world filled with mystery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to He is a total Bad Ass.

  1. paulbeforeswine says:

    Are you talking about Chuck Norris?

  2. Harnew says:

    Sounds like one of those “World’s Most Interesting Man” commercials? Explain these Chuck Norris jokes to me?

  3. A true bad ass doesn’t go hunting, that would imply that he might fail. A true bad ass goes Killing. I might have stole that from the Chuck Norris collection.

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