A practice DMV test.

So get all the answers right and no cheating, otherwise you can’t drive.

1. In the United States, what side of the road do we drive on?

  • A. Right side.
  • B. Left side.
  • C. Shoulder.
  • E. Backside.
  • D. Drunk.

2. If you find yourself accelerating through a school zone, it is important to remember what?

  • A. Hit all of the children.
  • B. Ignore the flashing lights of the cop cars behind you.
  • C. Your sins will not follow you to your grave.
  • D. Try to get on a “Breaking News” or “Police chase cam” of your local TV.
  • E. None of the above.

3. What is the correct speed on the freeway?

  • A. 10 mph below everyone else in the fast lane.
  • B. The speed that gets me on TV.
  • C. The speed they use on the autobahn.
  • D. 40 mph but only when I’m talking on my cell phone.
  • E. I’m not sure but I just follow the fast car hoping he gets the ticket.

4. If you are driving with children in the back seat, you are encouraged to?

  • A. Smoke cigarettes
  • B. Yell at your children constantly.
  • C. Let them have a chance to steer.
  • D. Put a baby on board bumper sticker on your car as a deterrent to people hitting you.
  • E. Make sure they have appropriate car seats and seat belts buckled.

5. If a Police officer pulls you over, what three things will you need?

  • A. License, registration, proof of insurance.
  • B. Gun, crystal meth, willingness to die.
  • C. Alcohol, smile, great attitude.
  • D. Anger, defensiveness, insults.
  • E. Compliments, Dumb-ass smile, great attitude.

6. If someone flips you off while driving what is your response?

  • A. Flip them off in return.
  • B. Smile and Wave.
  • C. Follow them to their destination continually harassing them wherever they go.
  • D. Continue driving at a safe speed and distance to your Anger Management class.
  • E. Not Answer B.

7. What is the best way to drive in a residential neighborhood?

  • A. As though you’re being followed by a cop
  • B. As though you’re the only white guy in a black neighborhood.
  • C. As though you’re the only black guy in a southern white neighborhood.
  • D. As though you live there.
  • E. The same way you drive past your ex-girlfriends house looking for strange cars and writing down their license plate numbers and sending the owners nasty letters explaining that they should go no where near your ex or you’ll slash their tires and eat their pets.

8. Seat belts are primarily used for?

  • A. keeping a person in the vehicle in the event of an accident.
  • B. keeping sinners bodies on earth in the event of the rapture.
  • C. Constricting blood flow
  • D. Making you feel safer, thereby allowing you to drive faster and more reckless.
  • E. A fun game for children to escape out of while driving at fast speeds.


  • 1. You should know.
  • 2. DUH!?
  • 3. You should know.
  • 4. You should know.
  • 5. You should know.
  • 6. You should know.
  • 7.  You should know.
  • 8. This is a blog, you should know the answers to all of these questions.

About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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14 Responses to A practice DMV test.

  1. Love this!

    Your blog is hilarious!

  2. That was TERRIFIC! Tried to take the test but I haven’t learned to read yet! Good idea though. .

  3. Funny! My favorite part is “D. Put a baby on board bumper sticker on your car as a deterrent to people hitting you.” Yeah, those things totally work!

  4. #4D = YES! I always wondered why people put those on their cars. Like, “Oh I was going to rear-end you, asshole, but then I saw the baby on board sign. So…you’re okay.”

    Maybe they’re just showing off their ability to procreate. As if that makes them unique…

  5. BrainRants says:

    You clearly either live in or grew up in California.

  6. Jason says:

    Thanks! Forwarding the answers to my younger cousin now.

  7. Anna says:

    I lolled. Although the DVLA still hasn’t sent me my license… I’m under review as to whether I’m fit to drive ‘cus of the whole Diabeeeetus thing. Goddamn. If I can’t drive whilst shoving cake in my mouth, I don’t want to drive!

  8. tiffanywjal says:

    I wonder everyday if people had to take the same test as I did. Wish I could send this out in a mass email to the people of the world.

  9. ysobele says:

    aohhhh…. so that’s what seat belts were primarily made for…. hmmmm
    now I know :D:D:D hihihi…

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