My Drinking and Driving Story.

So I’ve had the blessed fortune of receiving 2 traffic tickets in the last 2 months.

Both of which were my fault and both of which had something to do with my GPS.

The first ticket was for taking an illegal left turn. I took the left ignoring the advice of my GPS (who was telling me to go down what it thought was a road but was actually a parking garage) I couldn’t take a right, and so took an illegal left turn where a nice motorcycle cop was waiting. He had just pulled someone over too for the same thing. Flagging me down, I saw him speak to the other car.  He leaned in and said, “Hey uh, I’m gonna give you a warning because I’ve decided to ticket the asshole behind you.” The other car sped off and the rest is history.

The second ticket was for an illegal U-turn. My GPS told me to take a left where the road was clearly blocked off so I took a “naughty” U-turn. ANOTHER motorcycle cop who was exceedingly nice but still gave me a ticket, told me “hey man, you could’ve taken that U-turn legally in the intersection for future reference.” Thanks for the advice!

So feel sorry for me… Please…?

Oh and I almost forgot I have a drinking and driving story.

So back in 2001 Henry Weinhards ROOT BEER was pretty new, it looks like beer but isn’t. I was driving to a friends house slowly sipping my drink of choice and while stopped at a light, I put that refreshing non alcoholic drink up to my lips. As the first taste of sarsaparilla and root sloshed into my mouth, I felt eyes on me. I looked to my right and saw a local police officer staring back at me.  His eyes were burning deep black holes into me, the way a necromancer with +4 to sorcery could do.

So I did what any dumb kid would do, I flashed him a smile hoping my pearly whites would assuage his necromantic eye powers.  This only made his wizardly anger greater. The light turned green and his sirens went on. I got through the intersection before pulling over. He came up to my window with the attitude of judge, jury and dothraki executioner. He tried strong arming me into admitting it was beer, I gave him the bottle so he could do his own smell test. He took one whiff of the bottle and started laughing.

I laughed nervously all the way to my friends house. To this day I’m sure he put a curse on my car with his warlock magicks.

Admission of guilt here, I played a lot of a certain game that shall not be named at the time. Hence the references to necromancers.


About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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5 Responses to My Drinking and Driving Story.

  1. JW says:

    Never drink and drive, because you might hit a pothole and spill some. Besides, there’s no room on the dashboard for a highball glass.

  2. cops really do have a quota as a measure more of personal job performance since we do all know that we’re doing smoething illegal on the road probablyyyyyy 93.8999% of the time (the other remaining % was looking ahead with both hands on the wheel, but was quickly stopped as soon as a new txt came in). all in all, i guess i’m saying this as why they must have still given you tickets for pretty minor issues

  3. You need to update your GPS map files.

  4. Also, for some reason I saw that image and flash-backed to this. (

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