1. The Recession
2. Because those beers won’t drink themselves.
3. Because its not your fault.
4. The Recession
5. Your daddy got fired too.
6. The Recession
7. Your resume lists “Ass kicker” and “Inventor of the Choke hold” as former job titles.
8. Your idea of looking for a job is creating a “career builder” profile and responding to the spam emails.
9. The RECESSION
10. You can’t find work because you’re still in high school competing with college graduates for a job at Baskin Robbins.
11. THE RECESSION
12. You can’t find work because you’re in your late 50’s and companies are looking to hire kids in their early twenties who are willing to do the same work you do but for 30% less money.
13. You’re pregnant.
14-21 = THE RECESSION
22. Because Leprechaun hunter isn’t a real job.
23. You were fired from your last job for leaving at “Shark O’clock,” that’s a made up time.
24. You lied on your resume. Nobody believes you interned with Napoleon Bonaparte.
25. DID I MENTION!? THE RECESSION!?