1. He could sell life insurance to an immortal.
2. He could sell underpants to a nudist community.
3. He could sell brains to a zombie and live to tell about it.
4. As a child he traded baseball cards… Only, he was sent to the principals office for trading rocks for other kid’s cards.
5. He once negotiated a breakup AND a new date while simultaneously on the phone and in person with two women.
6. He is the “Jones” in Down Jones Industrial average. He calls it the Dow Jones above average.
7. For fun on the weekends, he’ll buy kid’s lemonade stands and sell them back at double the profit.
8. He Causes a run on the banks, The banks run on him for more money.
9. He’d sell beef and milk to a cow, but cows can’t talk…. DUHHHH.
10. He talks jumpers down safely from tall buildings, He coaxes hurricanes into dissipating.
11. He sold his soul to the devil, a year later ended up buying back his own AND the Devil’s for a sharpie and 25 cents.
He is….. THE GREATEST SALESMAN IN THE WORLD!