The Adventures of Blobby the Forest Elf


Not too long ago I wrote a blog post titled, “Blimpy and the Buttercup Rainforest Adventures.” I thought It was time to write another short story as most of my recent work has been list format posts and those can get old after a while. Enjoy.

Once upon a time, Blobby the overweight elf was wandering through the forest. He gazed at the chestnut trees hoping to find a few ripe nuts to eat before his mother called him for dinner.

“Oh there’s one!” He said greedily, reaching for the fallen chestnut and cracking it open. Blobby gobbled it down quickly, Enjoying that fleeting taste as the chestnut slipped quickly past his tongue and into his stomach. “Oh Look another one!”  He said happily.

Just then Pordo, Mordo and Callio three gaunt mean little elves were walking through the forest. They overheard Blobby happily munching on chestnuts. “Its Blobby! Lets go pick on him,” said Mordo mischievously.  “Yeah lets!” said the other two.

“Oh Look another one!” Said Blobby, as he crushed the chestnut and chucked it into his mouth. Looking up, Blobby saw Pordo, Mordo and Callio approach. “Oh no” he thought to himself. They’re gonna pick on me like they do in school.

“Hi!” Said Blobby nervously.  “Shut up!” Said Callio, the ring leader. “We heard you chomping away on your chestnuts from a mile away, and thought why not go see what Blobby our friend is up to.” “Um we aren’t friends,” said Blobby nervously. The three gaunt little elves surround blobby on all sides. “We aren’t?!” “Why not?” Said, Pordo sarcastically. As he pushed sad little Blobby to the ground.

“Hahahaha” laughed the three bullies as poor little Blobby lay crying on the ground. “Oh come on, you can handle a little teasing you fat elf!” Said, Pordo Menacingly. “I mean gosh you’re bigger than us anyway,” said Mordo.

“Come on guys, stop picking on me-

A powerful swift kick hits Blobby in the behind. “OW!” Screams Blobby as he begins to cry. “What? The Baby gonna cry!?” Says Callio menacingly.

At that moment, all four elves heard the voice of Blobby’s mother carrying over the tree line. “Blobby dear, time for dinner!”

Blobby stands up, “Well Pordo, Mordo and Callio, its been a lot of fun but I gotta get home for dinner.” Said Blobby matter of factly, wiping a tear from his cheek with his hand.

“Sorry Blobby, we can’t let you go.” Said Callio menacingly. “BUT I’LL MISS DINNER!” Said Blobby Pleadingly.

Just then, Mordo swings at Blobby but his punch is caught mid air.

“No one…. And I mean NO ONE, prevents me from eating my dinner.” Says Blobby angrily. CRACK! Blobby snaps off Mordo’s hand tossing it to the ground. “AHHHHHHH!” Screams Mordo, very bloodily. “MY HAND!” Its GONE! Blood gushes out of his stump as he goes running away into the woods, Pordo and Callio look scared and frightened.

“COME HERE!” Screamed Blobby as he grabbed Pordo by the leg. “I’m feeling like some thigh meat tonight.” Blobby opens his jaws real wide and is about to take a large bite out of Pordo’s butt. “STOP!” screams Callio! “GO! Go have dinner with you mom!” No more violence.” Blobby slowly sets down a crying Pordo who is shaking violently with fear.

“Come on! Lets get out of here!” Screams Callio as he grabs the shaking Pordo and retrieves the severed hand of Mordo. They both scamper off into the trees following a bloody trail left behind form Mordo.

Blobby Stares menacingly at them as they run away, “I will always fight for what is mine, I will never back down again.” Said Blobby, with a coldness to his voice.

Taking a deep breath Blobby  yells out, “COMING MOTHER!” with a smile and scampers off into the woods toward his mother and his favorite dinner, stewed Orc and carrots.

The moral of the story is never write blog posts on an empty stomach AND being hungry can give you super powers.

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About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
This entry was posted in A Magical world filled with mystery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to The Adventures of Blobby the Forest Elf

  1. THAT was entertaining. Keep it up.

  2. BrainRants says:

    Wow. Just… wow.

  3. ysobele says:

    hahahaha… I guess you can always write when you’re hungry, just not in normal and expected ways. 😀

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