Once upon a time I was in college,
And like many young men in college I had to make a decision about my major. Being the extrovert and funny person that I am I decided to go with a Theatre Arts Major. I love making people laugh and have a great time performing. The only problem is that I didn’t do Theatre in High school and really knew nothing about Theatre performance art.
It was during the second semester of my sophomore year that I received the good news that I had won a part in our school’s Theatre production of a classical Shakespearean era play. During the first meet and greet with the director and the cast I was kindly told to go and purchase some “makeup.” Makeup? What?! I’m not doing any tranny dances in this play? I quickly scanned my copy of the script asking, “Where does it say I have to wear makeup?” The director and the other actors laughed at my ignorance. “Putting on makeup is part of theatre… Its part of the “illusion,” I was told.
After the first dress rehearsal and never having really put makeup on, I looked like an over tanned Guido zombie. It was a complete art accident or as I like to call it an Artcident. As part of my notes I was told to tone down my new “look” and to go purchase some baby wipes. which afford an easier removal of the makeup.
The next day at the grocery store I have my box of baby wipes on the conveyor, I’m waiting in line and a young woman with a baby shows up behind me. Upon seeing the baby wipes she exclaims, “oh you have kids too!?” “No” I said offering no further explanation. “Well then why are you buying baby wipes?” She asked with suspicion. WHAT I wanted to say was, “Oh I’m in a play and I was ordered to purchase some to remove my makeup because I’m new to putting on makeup.” What I really said was……nothing….. Absolute silence and cricket noises. Which of course MADE IT 10X more awkward. The woman gave me the most suspicious stares like I was buying baby wipes to clean up a murder or to wipe the ass of an infant I had just kidnapped.
So that’s it. That’s my story. I hope you don’t use this against me.
PS I don’t talk to people in line at grocery stores anymore.