If Plants Could Talk


So pretend for a moment that Plants can talk like Mr. Daisy up above. What would they say? What things would they expand upon? Would they be like Disney Characters or would they express a deeper emotional commitment to their lot in life? I guess you’ll find out.


“GROW my friends! Grow to the sky! Where there is a wall, tree or fence! GROW on it! GROW!


“I’m so pretty, why don’t you come touch me? Oh does that thorn hurt? That’s because I’m so beautiful it hurts.


“There’s no sense in growing Fred, As soon as you get to a certain height the magic machine cuts you back down to size.”


“I lead an interesting life, every time the breeze picks up I orgasm and spread my seed throughout the world.”


“I’m so alone.”

Poison Ivy:

“No, Fuck you for touching me!”

Oak Tree:

“YES! Chop me down, I want to be turned into an axe handle and take all the other trees with me.”

Palm Tree:

“I’ve got such a long and slender body, I dare you to come grab my nuts and berries.”

Spruce Tree:

“Hey Guys, its looking a little drab in here, maybe a little more of me would really me this place up a bit don’t you think?”

Lemon Tree:

“Its not my fault they’re so sour.”

Lime Tree:

“I hear I go well with most Mexican dishes and a few beers.”


“Uhhhh, What?”

Common Weed:

“I’m like that sketchy neighborhood kid, I grow up too fast and I’m always up to no good.”



About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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5 Responses to If Plants Could Talk

  1. What an imagination! The Dandelion is some seeder. LOL

  2. BrainRants says:

    This is so creative I have no witty response.

  3. claudiagrant says:

    I really love this. I have random thoughts like this, ‘what if…’ but can ever express it so humorously.

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