If Plants Could Talk


 

So pretend for a moment that Plants can talk like Mr. Daisy up above. What would they say? What things would they expand upon? Would they be like Disney Characters or would they express a deeper emotional commitment to their lot in life? I guess you’ll find out.

Ivy:

“GROW my friends! Grow to the sky! Where there is a wall, tree or fence! GROW on it! GROW!

Roses:

“I’m so pretty, why don’t you come touch me? Oh does that thorn hurt? That’s because I’m so beautiful it hurts.

Grass:

“There’s no sense in growing Fred, As soon as you get to a certain height the magic machine cuts you back down to size.”

Dandelion:

“I lead an interesting life, every time the breeze picks up I orgasm and spread my seed throughout the world.”

Cactus:

“I’m so alone.”

Poison Ivy:

“No, Fuck you for touching me!”

Oak Tree:

“YES! Chop me down, I want to be turned into an axe handle and take all the other trees with me.”

Palm Tree:

“I’ve got such a long and slender body, I dare you to come grab my nuts and berries.”

Spruce Tree:

“Hey Guys, its looking a little drab in here, maybe a little more of me would really me this place up a bit don’t you think?”

Lemon Tree:

“Its not my fault they’re so sour.”

Lime Tree:

“I hear I go well with most Mexican dishes and a few beers.”

Marijuana:

“Uhhhh, What?”

Common Weed:

“I’m like that sketchy neighborhood kid, I grow up too fast and I’m always up to no good.”

 

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About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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5 Responses to If Plants Could Talk

  1. What an imagination! The Dandelion is some seeder. LOL

  2. BrainRants says:

    This is so creative I have no witty response.

  3. claudiagrant says:

    I really love this. I have random thoughts like this, ‘what if…’ but can ever express it so humorously.

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