Yes, you did read that correctly.
I have a bunch of stories about drinking and being in different towns and what not, but one of the more memorable times happened on a “Haunted pub crawl ” in Savannah Georgia.
I will preface by saying I normally tell this story at a bar drinking with friends, and as such it is better told in person and promise to do it justice for the sake of trying to be a popular blog.
One of my friends found out about this Haunted Pub Crawl in Savannah Georgia while we were there on business. So we buy our tickets and head over to the first pub and buy some drinks waiting for the tour to start. We’re minding our own business when in walks this Confederate soldier in period garb. He walks into the middle of the bar and exclaims in a very southern/effeminate accent, “Howdy Ya’ll, I’m your tour guide and If you’re here for the haunted pub crawl please give me your tickets now.”
Well that did it. I’ve seen and had the pleasure of meeting quite a few gay men in my existence, (Insert joke here) even a few flamboyantly gay men, but this guy was at an 11 on the fabulous scale. Seeing the confederate uniform and enough sassy personality to fill a large float at the pride parade, definitely wrinkled my brain. We paid for our drinks, handed in our tickets and the pub crawl was off with a bang.
At the first stop we listened to the stories of this person killing themselves and that person haunting this pub for who knows what reason. It was interesting stuff until our tour guide blurted out, “over there was where two confederate soldiers bodies were found dead.” Behind me one of my friends muttered under his breath, “Probably from all the blowjobs they were giving.” A few giggles from people we didn’t know and the gay confederate jokes WERE ON!
“Oh my gosh you guys, did you see what Robert E Lee was wearing, That belt buckle! ugh!” I said in my most perfect impersonation of a gay confederate.
“Guys we should have a really nice cotillion after the war!” Said a friend of mine.
“Gettysburg…. Hated it!”
Peels of laughter filled the air after our third stop. (Which involved more beer and more shots as well.)
“Do him, date him or dump him, Abraham Lincoln, Jefferson Davis and John Wilkes Booth” “DUH! DUMP Abraham Lincoln, he’s a Northerner!” EASY!
“I only buy the hottest MALE slaves for MY PLANTATION!”
“Why did the south lose the war? Because they ran out of gunpowder…. and by gunpowder I mean lube.”
Anyway. I think you get the idea. The best part of the night was the finale when we were led down to this scary basement, had a scary story told to us and then some one jumped out screaming and scared the bejeezus out of everyone. I MIGHT HAVE Screamed like a little girl. I don’t remember that part too well AS I WAS DRUNK.
I really wish I could tell you more of the jokes but they got a lot dirtier and had more to do with loading guns and ramrods. And to everyone I offended I’m sorry.