Top 10 Ways to Improve your Public Speaking

Just a few tips is all.

Before you do anything TURN YOUR CELL PHONE OFF!

1. NEVER imagine your audience naked. If you’re a guy you’ll get an erection and embarrass yourself, if you’re a lady you’ll see a naked man you can’t unsee. Imagine instead that you’re talking to close friends who love you and support you and would never use any mistake against you. Yeah… Imagine that.

2. Whatever Hitler did for public speaking…. DO THAT…. (without the racism and hand gestures and trying to take over the world, but mostly the hand gestures)

3. Don’t eat gassy foods before a speech. Actually don’t eat at all.

4. Don’t drink and speak… Trust me you don’t sound smart. Contrary to what your brain is telling you.

5. If you feel nervous, don’t worry that’s natural. Everyone gets nervous, some people are better at hiding it.

6. What is your bladder control like? Do you get so nervous you might piss yourself? Try some adult diapers just in case. I wear them all the time (Buy the slender size no one will notice any bulges down there.)

7. Calculators, pencils, laser pointers and large books all make you look smart, so use them as a self confidence booster.

8. I like to start off my speeches with a joke, go to google and search “Jokes to start meetings with.” ALSO- I like to end my speeches with a quote, go to google and search, “quotes to end speeches by smart people.”

9. Umms, ahs, likes,  and ers are filler words and are the like, um, the devil… So just er, don’t say ummm… them. OK? ASSHOLE! (sorry)

10. If all else fails, be attractive. People will have something good to look at while you fumble around, AND people will forgive you for messing up if you are.


About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
This entry was posted in Jobs, Life and the American Way and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Top 10 Ways to Improve your Public Speaking

  1. Adult diapers are the way to go, even if you DON’T have a bladder issue. Nothing bolsters the confidence like knowing you could let loose the floodgates any time you want.

  2. Number ten is my favorite. I rely on it constantly.

  3. The funny thing is….these are all true… LOL

  4. I do #7 almost all the time and I didn’t even realise it could help with my public speaking! Mind = Blown.

  5. This post is hilarious, but yet so true.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s