I’ve got some stuff that needs doing so please do it now.
1. Squeeze some tooth paste onto a parked car, if the owner comes by let him know that its just silly old bird poop and you can prove it. WALK UP AND EAT THE TOOTHPASTE. Proceed to watch reactions.
2. While at a bar when you see a guy hitting on a chick, walk up to him and say, “Hey man I got those roofies you wanted, were….they…for….her…?” Turn to the girl and say, “Sorry just kidding he totally wanted heroin.” (On a sidenote this project should only be completed if said gentleman is actually an asshole, I don’t normally encourage men to be cock blockers.)
3. Buy a whole bunch of for sale signs. Put a friend’s phone number on them and secretly place on random cars or people’s asses throughout the day.
4. Buy a Crown Victoria car, and DONT pretend to be a cop… Silly person reading this, thats illegal…(ok no really you should do it, just don’t tell anyone it was me)
5. Repair your broken time machine to travel back to 1999 and tell me not to buy that N’SYNC album and/or to throw it away before anyone in 2012 accidentally sees it.
6. Without any of your close friends knowing, secretly learn how to play this. At any social gathering when one of your friends makes a really good point or impresses everyone, reply with your amazing spoon abilities… Everyone’s Minds = blown.
7. Carry pizza with you wherever you go. At random times pull it out and eat it. Yeah you’ll get fat but lets face it, you’ll always have pizza whenever and wherever you want it.
8. Speaking of too much pizza, you want to lose extra weight and you want to be a better runner? GREAT! Turn this:
Into a back pack. Wear into a bad neighborhood. Prepare to run very fast.
9. Dress up as a very classy waiter and go to a mall food court. Walk around with a block of Parmesan and a cheese grater. Ask anyone if they’d like some Parmesan cheese on their meal. If anyone asks where you’re from or what you are doing reply in Italian only. After 10 people say yes to the cheese scream, “ITS NOT REAL CHEESE!” and run away.