If I had a Billion Dollars.


So imagine a world where I win the Powerball, Mega Millions and discover that a long lost billionaire great uncle has left me his fortune.

Here is what I would do with my vast fortune.

OPERATION SHUTDOWN

Pay at least 10 people per large metropolitan city 5,000 dollars to drive a beat up car on a local freeway and park it sideways on the freeway… Right…Before…Rush Hour…

THERE BY CREATING A NATIONWIDE TRAFFIC JAM!

I would then buy a fiddle and learn to fiddle while the entire nation of the United States waits in traffic.

OPERATION COCKBLOCK

Hire multiple UFC and Special Forces guys to be my body guards. Go to any well established night club and cock block any douchebag looking guy. Douchebag guy walks up to beautiful woman. BAM! money gets thrown at him. BAM! woman is distracted by my cash gun. BAM! shoot cash gun at Douchebag guy’s friends. Hilarity ensues.

If I fail in my cock blocking, I’ll just buy the entire bar and kick out the bad apples. (For anyone wanting to know, normally you can only cockblock a douchebag with an even douchier douchebag… Which is my goal and aim with the help of my money of course.)

OPERATION BEDTIME STORIES

Pay Morgan Freeman to read me bedtime stories and tuck me in before I go to bed.

OPERATION TIME TRAVEL

Build a replica late 18th century town. Hire 50-100 actors, out fit them in period garb of the late 18th century (American Revolution) pay the actors money to pretend to be people who’ve happened upon a worm hole time traveling them to 2012. Don’t tell anyone about it and when word leaks that there is a town with people who are from the 1700’s I’ll close it down. And it’ll have its own special on the History Channel. Stand back and laugh at the conspiracy theories that come about as a result.

OPERATION PLAY TOWN

Build a suburb of tree houses. ONLY TREE HOUSES.

OPERATION TANK DRIVER

Buy a tank and drive it around. Always have the right of way, always drive the right speed and never get pulled over.

OPERATION KIDS ARE COOL

Buy a fleet of ice cream trucks and give out free ice cream and Popsicles to kids. BUT ONLY if they ask for it.

OPERATION KIDS ARE NOT COOL

Pay a school bus driver 100,000$ and legal expenses to dress up as a scary clown and drive a school bus 5 hours out her way before finally dropping the kids off at a cemetery where their parents are waiting.

OPERATION AIR CHAOS

Buy 100,000 people in a city via a lottery Jet packs or personal helicopters.  Sit back and watch the Chaos from the privacy of my tank.

So the moral of the story is don’t ever give me a billion dollars.

 

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About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
This entry was posted in Jobs, Life and the American Way and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to If I had a Billion Dollars.

  1. Can I put in a reserve on one of the tree houses?

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