Your First Time

There is a first time for everything, Here are some first times and how they felt, or even what you may have been thinking at the time.

Your First Time.

Riding a bike: Like you were gonna die.

Swimming: Like you were going to die under water, especially when you couldn’t feel the “Bottom.”

Voting: Like you gambled, but didn’t win anything.

Driving: As though you were going to die, while your dad yelled at you.

Holding a newborn: “I think I’m going to break it.”

Facebook: “I’m only doing this to see if my crush in world history class is single.”


Blogging: “Everyone will read my blog and think I’m funny yayyyyyy!”

Drinking coffee: As though you just put burnt dirt water in your mouth.

Alcohol: Like you drank some cold medicine mixed with Windex.

Sex: Like putting on a coat using only your mouth, while someone awkwardly watches….. But it also feels good… Kind of…

(I’d put being pregnant for the first time but I don’t know what that feels like and I dont want to insult anyone, but then again I’ve never been married or rode a bike before either sooooooooooooooo……………………)


About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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18 Responses to Your First Time

  1. I definitely agree with those! But as I too have never been married before, I can’t tell how true that one is 😉
    Have you really never ridden a bike before?? Well that’s one for the bucket list!!

  2. becca3416 says:

    Facebook and holding a new born baby are both pretty accurate. The one about blogging is true but also worked out for you in reality. Yayyyyy!

  3. Storkhunter says:

    I’m with you on the swimming one – actually, I still feel like that.
    And the blog one worked for you because hey, you’re funny. The alcohol thing is still true but it turns out I’ve really developed a taste for windex.
    As for being pregnant the first time – it’s awesome – if you’re into that sort of thing.

    • MaximumWage says:

      AHHHH! of all the things to experience in this life, birthing another human being will never be one of them. Well unless of course you count those 3 burritos from taco bell I birthed out of my butt. Also, thanks for the compliment.

  4. ysobele says:

    Funny now that you’re saying it, I could remember telling myself on my first time on the bike, getting married and first sex was
    “hold on, hold on…. somethings got to be good from all of this shit..”

    as for alcohol…”never again.. *.*&” hiccup… for the day, tommorrow nlng”
    hahahaha.. 😀

    • MaximumWage says:

      Hahaha, I love that your first reaction was, SOMETHINGS got to be good from all this shit!

      • ysobele says:

        yup!! hahaha… It was like what 9gag was telling… 1st time bike ride, marriage and sex:
        what my BFF told me it felt like –
        “oh it was magical.. fantastic!”
        what my mom told me it felt like –
        “you be careful, no… you can’t do it that way!… no that’s not possible… no, you’re not supposed to do that..”
        what I really felt like –
        ” Holy shit.. there has got to be a better way .. >.<"

        it's never the same! dammm 😀 😀 😀

  5. Pingback: Do you remember the First Time? « kettle of fish

  6. Jimmy&Kendra says:

    The new born baby is accurate, the sad part is the first one I ever held was my own. My thought on being pregnant for the first time is like the movie Alien, it feels like the baby is going to burst through you stomach any moment.

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