I recently took a family trip to a New Jersey town that rhymes with “spewark.”
Why did we take this family trip? The reasons are long, but suffice it to say I was exposed to the greatest New Jersey has to offer. Honestly, I sat in the car and wrote these down as we passed by smoke stack, abandoned factory and every post apocalyptic landscape imaginable. If you’ve never been to New Jersey, don’t go. If you’ve ever been to New Jersey you know my pain. If you’re from New Jersey you must explain yourself.
- New Jersey isn’t ready for the Apocalypse, they’ve BEEN ready.
- If Louisiana is the armpit of the USA, New Jersey is the ash tray.
- Anything nice you could ever say about New Jersey could also be misconstrued as sarcasm.
- If New Jersey was a person, it would be a slightly balding 40 year old guy with a large gut, thrice divorced, halfway through a 24 pack of beer whose name is Sal.
- Hurricane Sandy was just trying to clean up New Jersey. (Too Soon?)
- Fill in the blank. If Detroit was a state, it would be called ___________.
- The Difference between Afghanistan and New Jersey is that 30 years of civil war, multiple invasions, buried mines everywhere and Islamic Fundamentalism are excuses for looking like a shit hole.
- The nicest parts of New Jersey are the parts that touch other states.
- If Oklahoma looks like a butcher knife and Michigan looks like an oven mitt. New Jersey looks like a giant turd.
- Imagine a place where both God and the devil said in unison, “Yeah no thanks, I’ll pass.”
- If the the land of Oz is somewhere over a rainbow. New Jersey is somewhere over belching factory smoke.
- The state motto is: “New Jersey the acne of states.”
- The state bird is: “A dead one floating down the Delaware.”
- The state seal reads: “Forget about it.”
- The State Flower is: “Atropa Belladona”
- The State Anthem is: “Friday” by Rebecca Black.
I was thinking about putting a Jersey Shore Joke on here but I think most of you are expecting it. So I removed it.
Enjoy your life if you DON’T live in New Jersey.