- I went all through college without puking from alcohol.
- I did the century club. (one shot of beer per minute for 100 minutes) without puking.
- My University sponsors an “Around the World” senior event which is basically a day long drinking fest. I did it twice, never having puked.
- I once took 15 shots in 3 hours and went on to dance my little heart out. (NO PUKING)
- I went approximately 29 years without throwing up from liquor/beer/wine or any alcohol intoxication of any kind.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Holy hell, Moses you obviously didn’t GO to college.” I did you assholes… I did, trust me. There were plenty of times I wanted to throw up but never did. I mean we’ve all been there right?
Fast forward a few years after college to November 2009.
A friend is having a party. A games party to be exact, the type of party where you sit around drinking and playing charades, pictionary or other games with people. I show up to this party in a nice sweater and tie hoping to impress this girl who I knew was going to be there. (Classy right?) I brought along a very nice bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon (again super classy) that I had hoped to partake in and share. My first mistake was bringing that bottle of wine and drinking any of it. My second mistake was discovering the buffalo cheese dip.
SEE!? WTF was I thinking?! UGH! Buffalo cheese dip and wine? I might as well invite Neo-Nazis to a Bar Mitzvah.
You can imagine what happened. Upon drinking too much wine combined with the buffalo cheese dip, both parties wanted out. A friend offered to drive me home and halfway there I said, “PULL OVER NOW!” The car pulled over like a like NASCAR pit stop, I lurched my body and bubbling mix of explosive stomach contents out of the car. Finding a nice sweet unspoiled patch of grass I relinquished control. When finished, I looked up and realized my friend had stopped right outside of a graveyard. “Hey man, just kill me now and dump my body in this graveyard, I’ll write a suicide note so it looks legit and you’ll get off Scot free.” I said very slobbery. Luckily my friend didn’t take me up on the offer.
Thank goodness I was wearing a sweater. Had I not, that tie would’ve been covered in upchucked buffalo wine cheese. (Sounds delicious no?)
I got back in the car and was dropped off at my apt. I did another “dance” with the grass in front of my apt. I finally went in, cleaned up and went to bed.
The next day I awoke feeling awful. I repeated those oft said post-puking lies, “I’m never drinking again!” “Nope never picking up another glass of wine.” Of course I was a liar.
So this is how my 29 year record ended. I had gone through countless party hours with nary a chunk thrown. Oh well, there are some records that need to be destroyed. Some people might say it was a good thing that I had finally thrown up. My own recent consumption has trailed off since 09, and I no longer find the need to mix alcohol with strange foods.