Approximately two weeks after the “wine and cheese dip incident.” I found myself on a business trip to San Diego. Part of my job at the time was training Navy Seals. Sorry I’m not even going to attempt to explain this but suffice it to say I didn’t do any of the training. What I did do was drink. Navy Seals like to drink so I spent every day of the week with a constant temperature of Jaegermeister. (which is bad, the only worse temperature is 151.)
While on this business trip, one of my work colleagues found out that his old high school crush was living in San Diego and wanted to meet up for dinner and drinks. I was invited along as the evenings entertainment. You see, however funny you might find my blog from time to time, I am WAY funnier in person. I might even be funnier after a few drinks in me. (This proves it)
So we decide to meet at this Sushi restaurant called RA. The high school crush shows up with a cute friend as well. We’re hanging out at this restaurant talking and drinking when my supposed friend decides to start feeding me doubles of Jack Daniels. I finish these puppies with no problem. (We had recently been on a business trip to Tennessee and had been to the Jack Daniels distillery. I like whiskey what can I say? Its not my fighting drink its my drinky drink.)
I should’ve said no to the 5 doubles of Jack Daniels, but I was on a roll! Did Popeye stop eating spinach? Did Jesus stop loving? Besides EVERYTHING I was saying was cracking people up. Other tables in the restaurant were laughing. To top it off, high school crush’s friend was really digging me. WHAT WAS STOPPING ME?
The marriage of Jack Daniels and Sushi.
Mixing a delicacy of raw fish, rice and the finest whiskey Tennessee has to offer is about as smart as standing in a puddle of water while working on electrical lines. Juggling gasoline on top of a fire pit or masturbating after cutting some chili peppers.
I’ll be honest, I made it longer in the night than I thought I would. The crush’s friend was in to me. You see sometimes women love a guy with a sense of humor. I’ve heard it said, sometimes a woman’s funny bone is attached to her vagina. And for the record she was out of my league. Hence the spartan will to stay with the party.
At the second bar we went to, I went to the bathroom and knew, just knew that the night would be ending before I wanted it to. I dry heaved a couple times into a dirty public bathroom, wondering why I made so many mistakes in life. I went back out and made my excuses to the people in my group, amidst their loud protestations.
I hailed a cab, and puked on the way home. (on the street not in the cab, I might be disgusting but at least I’m polite.)
What did I learn?
- You shouldn’t bow to the peer pressure of drinking.
- Liquor is a combustible mixer in the cauldron of your stomach.
- No matter how attractive a woman is, she isn’t worth losing your dignity for.
- We kicked Japan’s ass in World War II for a reason.
- Tennessee seceded from the US for a reason.
- My stomach is not as a strong as I think.