These will all come true.
1. Jesus will use 2013 to smite Kim Kardashian. she’ll get fat because of being pregnant and her show will be cancelled.
2. Fidel Castro will die in July.
3. The NHL will lock out for a consecutive year prompting Canada to declare war on the world. The US will dip into its strategic beer reserve preventing the war from happening.
4. Kristen Wiig will finally go out with me.
5. The slightly balding dude will become all the rage all over the world. (please?)
6. Hulk Hogan will invent time travel.
7. Lindsay Lohan will finally meet her fairy godmother and will go back to being successful, beautiful and not using meth.
8. The pelvic thrust will be the new dance craze.
9. A sequel to the Hobbit movie will come out.
10. Because 13 is an unlucky number, all unlucky people will magically find themselves very lucky… Think of it as an opposite year.