How to put your Lady in the mood.


In the mood for some sexual intercourse? Here are some tips and tricks I’ve put together to hopefully get your lady in the mood as well. Please understand that these are not guarantees.

Things to say:

1. “God I just want to put a baby in you with my Penis.”

2. “We should rub our crotches together until a fire starts.”

3. “Lets go home and take care of my boner.”

4. Compliment her face and her vagina at the same time. Example: “You have amazing holes, let me take care of them for you.”

5. Turn to her and stare in her eyes deeply and repeat softly, “God I love Youuuuuuu-ban coffee.”

Things to do:

1. Give her a nice back rub and just when shes getting into it, lean down close to her ear and whisper, ” I wish I was doing this to your vagina.”

2.Take some rose petals and make a pathway from the front door to the bedroom, be sure to throw in some lit candles as well. Play some soft music and when your lady goes into the betrothal chamber, greet her wearing only a shirt that says, “I wanna rock your body.”

3. Sit at a desk or table and look concerned or frustrated. When your lady sees you perturbed she’ll ask, “whats wrong sweetie? Exclaim in a frustrated voice, “I can’t solve this math problem.” Don’t forget to show her the problem:


IF all of these are unable to get the desired response, there is one last option gentlemen.

The Almost Sure Thing:

For reals though, this only works like one time but its almost a guarantee. Here’s what you need to do.

Go out and buy some tighty whiteys if you don’t already own them. When your lady is on the couch reading or watching TV, walk into her line of sight wearing only the tighty whiteys doing the crazy chicken dance. On the front written in sharpie it should say, “Cock a doodle Doo!” and on the back it should say “Ham hock” on Either Cheek. When your hopefully laughing Lady friend asks what you’re doing reply with, “the mating dance” Let out a nice long “Cock a doodle doo!” and then nuzzle her boobs with your head.

That’s all I got guys. These are all my GO TO moves.


About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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15 Responses to How to put your Lady in the mood.

  1. denmother says:

    The problem with your math problem is your quite insufficient, thin boner. Plump it up and you may be on to something, you know, for the chicks that live in Wisconsin or something. Though I don’t know how strong their math skills are. Even with pictures.

  2. saradraws says:

    This was like reading lady porn.

  3. ysobele says:

    Honestly these are your “go to’s?” πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€
    Have you gotten anywhere these?

    the tighty whiteys doing chicken dance…. hmmm… so that’s the mating call hahahah

  4. Why are you revealing our kryptonite?! It’s no longer safe for me to go outside with this knowledge on the loose! Especially the mating dance – you’re right, works Every. Time…

    • MaximumWage says:

      Yeah you probably shouldn’t walk around before you know it, random dudes will just do or say the right thing and BAM~! Although to be fair I probably would never do the mating dance in a public setting…. “probably”

  5. TheGirl says:

    I like one one under “things to do” sense of touch definitely relaxes me and get me in the mood

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