Not too many years ago I came to the realization that I grind my teeth while asleep.
Most importantly, you should feel sorry for me.
This disease is known as Bruxism, is a scourge on my nightlife and a constant source of pain in my mouth. The worst part? There is no cure.
I spend my nights with one of these in my mouth while sleeping:
This is of course what it looks like before.
You might want to sit down and brace yourself for this next photo.
Do you see the cracks of torment? The jagged plastic edges of misery? This is my life, my struggle and until such time I pass away it will be the yoke I carry with me every night when I sleep.
This is my future. My only foreseeable future.
Now I know what you’re thinking. “Moses you’re like the funniest coolest awesomest person, how can a stupid night grinding problem hinder your night life?”
The answer is that the frequency and strength of the grinding happens on the nights I drink alcohol.
Dear ladies and gentlemen, please contain your sorrow, sadness and complete empathy for what I am about to tell you.
I cannot have sleep overs with the opposite sex because of my condition. Its that serious.
So once again. I beg, I plead with you to have pity on me. I would really appreciate it if you felt really sorry for me.