Here are some people you might run into while running errands or waiting in line. You’ve probably met at least one of these archetypes in your life.
1. The Talkative Old Guy:
He doesn’t get out of the house that often. He probably doesn’t have many friends, (that are still alive) but strikes up conversation where ever and with whom ever he likes. He has a generally interesting take on the topics of the day. He knows a few jokes and a few dirty jokes to boot. He’ll stare at a woman who is 50-60 years younger than him. Not because he wants to have sex with her, rather he misses being young. He also stares at young women because its the only time the blood rushes to his penis. In essence he doesn’t give a shit anymore but he is still social for friendship’s sake.
2. The Beautiful Idiot.
They might not know the capitol of the state they live in, or what the word “capitol” means. They can’t find Australia on a map and they’ll never tip in a restaurant. Mostly because they were never told and are also too attractive for someone to publicly admonish them. They could get off of on murder charges based on their looks alone. They’ll know of the popular singer, actor, reality TV star long before anyone else does. The best part about them is they’ll say something stupid and you’ll laugh and laugh.. “we should conversate some more.”
3. The Sob Story
They might be in or out of college, a working mom or dad, heck maybe even an old person. Either way this individual will never hesitate to tell you how shitty their life has been. They need sympathy and empathy the way a crack head needs crack. They could make a holocaust survivor hug them out of pity. Did a national emergency happen? Chances are they knew someone they loved dearly in the twin towers on 9/11. Don’t even fucking try getting sympathy out of them. They cling to that shit like a squirrel to its nuts.
4. The Loud Obnoxious or Quiet Demure Child.
Whether you’re on an airplane or in a crowded restaurant. The loud obnoxious one will make you think twice about having kids. The quiet demure one will jump start your biological clock. Which ever one you see, you’ll find yourself thinking the way the child acts, is the parents fault/or awesome skills.
5. The Scary Person
They obviously did too many drugs once upon a time and now are paying for it. Their drug addled brain gets “scary” confused with “socially acceptable.” They may confront you or even make your heart beat faster. Either way you’re looking for an exit and wondering who you’ll have to trip to make it there before the scary person does.
6. That Person Who Reminds You Of Someone.
You’re minding your own business while in line at the grocery store. You look across the aisles of people checking out. That’s when it happens, “holy shit is that Jerry?” “I thought he was in Costa Rica teaching orphans to swim?” Whether its a celebrity, former flame or that acquaintance you always wanted as a friend, you’ll eventually run into someone who looks a little too familiar. My personal favorite is the fuhrer and his mom on the bus: