In order for this blog post to work, imagine the nerdiest skinniest guy yelling these at you from behind a computer.
- You’re the kind of Asshole who gets excited about and shares that Youtube video we all saw 3 years ago.
- You’re the Myspace of People.
- Your brain thinks at the speed of Dial-up.
- You thought Facebook was the place where they put mugshots on the internet.
- You don’t need a boyfriend, Pinterest will be your boyfriend.
- Every internet dating site you’ve tried has forced you to move and change your identity only because you don’t turn down anyone on the internet.
- You sexted yourself.
- You click on all the internet ads because “hot singles really do want to talk to you.”
- You started a blog about beanie babies last year. The blog has at least one confirmed visit. (accidental)
- Your Smart Phone is smarter than you.
- You secretly want to get freshly pressed, and by freshly pressed I am of course talking about a significant other freshly pressing you into his/her body in the real world. Sorry Its not going to happen.
- I’d call you but you have a car phone, a wall phone and a DICK-taphone stuck in your ear.