An Open Letter To A Young Man.


Openletteryoungman

To all young men in high school or University, pay heed to what I am about to say.  If I could go back in time 16 years and tell myself these very truths I would, alas my time machine is all out of crystals and the flux capacitor is broken.

Dear young men of today,

First of all congratulations on surviving middle school!

I know you’ve probably got a lot going on, between school, family, extra-curricular activities, sports, movies, video games, boners and the pursuit of fun. Please understand that I’m trying to help you get a jump on what will happen in the next 8-10 years of your life.

But before I begin, please find a piece of paper and an envelope that you’ll need for later.

Like most men, I was your age once upon a time. I went to high school unsure/scared and wanted to fit in. I wanted to be popular or at the very least get a girlfriend. Now before you go finding the hottest girl in school, pursuing a relationship with her, crushing over her, and never getting the courage to talk to her. Please try what I am about to tell you. Its far better in the long run.

What you need to do is grow and foster as many relationships as you can. These relationships should be with friends, family, girls, guys, teachers and mentors. Hell, invite people to things you’re already doing. (eating, playing video games) Some of you are born lucky, you have some good looks combined with a nice personality and it shouldn’t be hard for you. For people on the quieter side, it’ll be more challenging. Just put yourself out there and try new activities. Its a lot easier to talk with someone you like, under the guise of “a group of friends hanging out” doing stuff. The focus is on the task at hand while you sneakily make new friends.

More friends = more events to go to, more invites and parties, more support in times of need. You’ll also get better at socializing, with all of this practice and you’ll become something of a smooth talker, if you aren’t already.You will lose your butterflies. In part because you’re comfortable with these people already and there is less fixation and less devastation on possible failure.

Guess what? Once you’ve made a circle of friends both male and female Rachel’s 3 other girlfriends show up too. What? You got friend-zoned? No worries now, Rachel’s 3 other girl friends might be interested. The social circle will be self-sustaining. You will be introduced to friends of friends and friends of friends of friends all of the time. You can pick and choose the ones you would like to maintain contact with. Be civil to everyone, though.

I can’t tell you how many times this has both helped and prevented me from wasting time. At least on 4 occasions in college I was attracted to a woman and discovered by talking to her through our circle of friends that she wasn’t for me. Its why you should never ever ever put a woman on a pedestal, no matter how hard you’re crushing on her/how beautiful she is.  Don’t fixate on a single girl at a time. Grow relationships with everyone around you and choose the girls you’d like to get to know even better. It will be less awkward, less nerve-wracking, and you’ll know ahead of time if they have a boyfriend.

Not sure who would make a good friend? Follow this handy list.

  • If they are talking smack about someone behind their back, what are they saying about you while you aren’t there?
  • The true measure of a person (I don’t care how popular) is how they treat someone who can do nothing for him. If they treat strangers with kindness, imagine what they would do for someone they care about.
  • Be the best friend you can be, if you find you’re the only one contributing, its time to invite some other people over for a change.

Lastly on Rejection.

Sometimes you won’t have the opportunity to meet people (mostly women you’re attracted to) based on shared activities or friends. You’ll just have to man up and introduce yourself saying you’re interested in getting to know that woman better. Remember, if she isn’t interested its not rejection its prevention. She prevented you from getting to know her, nothing lost nothing gained. That’s why its always important in those opportunities not to be defensive or mad when a woman prevents you from knowing her. She most likely did you a favor.

True rejection comes from being in a long relationship. A man who is married/in a relationship for over 6 months and gets dumped is REJECTED. In order to be rejected you must first be accepted. If you are ever truly rejected please mourn the relationship and move on.

Finally, pull out that piece of paper and the envelope. At the top write your name, age and 3-5 goals or things you want to have accomplished this year. Every year on your birthday revisit that paper. When you’ve accomplished something check it off and add something new. The idea is to show over time that when you’re young, your goals change and its important to know difference between a goal and a wish.

Guys, in the end its important to create friends and relationships, and its necessary to create goals despite the scope of your experience being so new. Also don’t forget #yolo #swag #420!

Advertisements

About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
This entry was posted in Jobs, Life and the American Way and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to An Open Letter To A Young Man.

  1. List of X says:

    You may call it “prevention”, but when you are the one getting “prevented”, it sure feels like rejection.

    • MaximumWage says:

      Ohh come on. Plenty of women have said no thanks to me and I’ve had to turn down a few women as well. Its really not that big of a deal. 🙂 It feels like rejection but I say talk to a man whose been married to woman for 5 years and gets home to find out she wants a divorce… Thats rejection

      • List of X says:

        Well, maybe it’s not that big of a deal if you are the one who is rejecting 🙂 The rejectee may feel differently.
        The married man example is probably not really a rejection, it’s more of a life-crushing catastrophe.

  2. ridicuryder says:

    Max,
    When you stumble on that Delorean Time Machine, give me a shout, I’ll get you dialed in to my coordinates 35 years ago.
    RidicuRyder

    • MaximumWage says:

      Oh man you know it. I’ll definitely hook you up. I don’t know any man or any woman for that matter that wouldn’t like a little bit of a do over for their teen years.

  3. denmother says:

    Can women chime in? I think this is a sweet letter and there’s nothing sweeter than watching young teen boys blush with their slow-dance boners! Hope the guys take heed of your experience.
    Denmother

  4. This letter is AWESOME! And so true! I love everything you have to say here!

  5. Good post. Its nice to see the man perspective on these things. Strangely, or not so strangely, they’re about the same as for a girl. Good writing on this one, and I’ll keep in mind too the whole: its not rejection its prevention thing. This applies to everyone.

    • MaximumWage says:

      Thanks for the compliment! You should write a letter to your younger self… I have to admit its pretty therapeutic. Its tough I have to admit I don’t know what its like to pine after someone hoping they’d ask you out. Have you ever asked a guy out and gotten prevented?

      • Well, I asked a guy once to winter ball in high school and he said yes. Then the next few guys I asked out I got shot down so yeah. Can’t say I tried too much though in the old days (like up until the last three LOL). But then I was pathologically shy and had no confidence. Gotta say, I love living in my 30s and being totally opposite these days. How about you? Are you saying you never had the courage to ask someone out that you liked? Did you just suck it up and do it? Or did you just tell yourself you didn’t really like them that much in the first place? Be honest LOL. I think I will have to write a post like this soon, but it would probably be pretty dark, so I dunno.

      • MaximumWage says:

        Well being honest, there have been times I asked a girl out only to have her say “oh thats a nice idea I’ll get back to you on that.” which is basically a big No. And you’re right I did just suck it. I’ve been asked out before by women maybe twice in my life. But don’t get me wrong I’m sure there have been more women I didn’t catch on that it was a “date.” Which only makes me feel stupid. I’ve done online dating a couple times and had success doing that. I mean if someone is interested there isn’t any denying it.

        All in all, I agree with you. the pressure is definitely off in your 30’s. I’m normally outgoing,gregarious, handsome charming (right?) and its gotten easier for me at least gauging whether there might be interest. So much I wish I could tell my younger self, “It gets easier with age.”

      • Don’t you wish we could get the experience but keep the youth? God, I do.

      • MaximumWage says:

        Yeah, I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t want that. However my best guess is that at some point in your 30’s both of those things start to connect. 🙂

      • Really? How OLD are you ;P Nah, just kidding, things started to connect for me in my late twenties, and they just get better and better as time goes on. Cuz really. in our 30s, we’re all still damn young kids, just with a little more maturity and confidence. I used to think I’d completely hate being this old, but actually I love it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s