To all young men in high school or University, pay heed to what I am about to say. If I could go back in time 16 years and tell myself these very truths I would, alas my time machine is all out of crystals and the flux capacitor is broken.
Dear young men of today,
First of all congratulations on surviving middle school!
I know you’ve probably got a lot going on, between school, family, extra-curricular activities, sports, movies, video games, boners and the pursuit of fun. Please understand that I’m trying to help you get a jump on what will happen in the next 8-10 years of your life.
But before I begin, please find a piece of paper and an envelope that you’ll need for later.
Like most men, I was your age once upon a time. I went to high school unsure/scared and wanted to fit in. I wanted to be popular or at the very least get a girlfriend. Now before you go finding the hottest girl in school, pursuing a relationship with her, crushing over her, and never getting the courage to talk to her. Please try what I am about to tell you. Its far better in the long run.
What you need to do is grow and foster as many relationships as you can. These relationships should be with friends, family, girls, guys, teachers and mentors. Hell, invite people to things you’re already doing. (eating, playing video games) Some of you are born lucky, you have some good looks combined with a nice personality and it shouldn’t be hard for you. For people on the quieter side, it’ll be more challenging. Just put yourself out there and try new activities. Its a lot easier to talk with someone you like, under the guise of “a group of friends hanging out” doing stuff. The focus is on the task at hand while you sneakily make new friends.
More friends = more events to go to, more invites and parties, more support in times of need. You’ll also get better at socializing, with all of this practice and you’ll become something of a smooth talker, if you aren’t already.You will lose your butterflies. In part because you’re comfortable with these people already and there is less fixation and less devastation on possible failure.
Guess what? Once you’ve made a circle of friends both male and female Rachel’s 3 other girlfriends show up too. What? You got friend-zoned? No worries now, Rachel’s 3 other girl friends might be interested. The social circle will be self-sustaining. You will be introduced to friends of friends and friends of friends of friends all of the time. You can pick and choose the ones you would like to maintain contact with. Be civil to everyone, though.
I can’t tell you how many times this has both helped and prevented me from wasting time. At least on 4 occasions in college I was attracted to a woman and discovered by talking to her through our circle of friends that she wasn’t for me. Its why you should never ever ever put a woman on a pedestal, no matter how hard you’re crushing on her/how beautiful she is. Don’t fixate on a single girl at a time. Grow relationships with everyone around you and choose the girls you’d like to get to know even better. It will be less awkward, less nerve-wracking, and you’ll know ahead of time if they have a boyfriend.
Not sure who would make a good friend? Follow this handy list.
- If they are talking smack about someone behind their back, what are they saying about you while you aren’t there?
- The true measure of a person (I don’t care how popular) is how they treat someone who can do nothing for him. If they treat strangers with kindness, imagine what they would do for someone they care about.
- Be the best friend you can be, if you find you’re the only one contributing, its time to invite some other people over for a change.
Lastly on Rejection.
Sometimes you won’t have the opportunity to meet people (mostly women you’re attracted to) based on shared activities or friends. You’ll just have to man up and introduce yourself saying you’re interested in getting to know that woman better. Remember, if she isn’t interested its not rejection its prevention. She prevented you from getting to know her, nothing lost nothing gained. That’s why its always important in those opportunities not to be defensive or mad when a woman prevents you from knowing her. She most likely did you a favor.
True rejection comes from being in a long relationship. A man who is married/in a relationship for over 6 months and gets dumped is REJECTED. In order to be rejected you must first be accepted. If you are ever truly rejected please mourn the relationship and move on.
Finally, pull out that piece of paper and the envelope. At the top write your name, age and 3-5 goals or things you want to have accomplished this year. Every year on your birthday revisit that paper. When you’ve accomplished something check it off and add something new. The idea is to show over time that when you’re young, your goals change and its important to know difference between a goal and a wish.
Guys, in the end its important to create friends and relationships, and its necessary to create goals despite the scope of your experience being so new. Also don’t forget #yolo #swag #420!