Useless Superpowers and Other Abilities


Hello everyone, sorry I didn’t write last week. I’ve been busy and neglected my blog. I guess I don’t have a super power that pertains to blog writing. Enjoy!

1. Having a self cleaning Asshole.

2. The ability to have an orgasm last 5 minutes. (That might actually be useful.)

3. Webbed Nostrils

4. The ability to turn the common pen into a laser pointer. (I forgot about cats.)

5. The ability to shoot acid out of your penis. (But it only works as an ejaculate, and yes I just used the word ejaculate.) *(Another note having this ability would probably make you a sex offender.)

6. Being afraid of heights and easily getting motion sickness but you can fly.

7. Being able to store food in your stomach like a camel (People might think you’re pregnant from the giant lump on your stomach.)

8. Inhaling helium gives you super strength but makes you sound like a munchkin.

9.The ability to Shapeshift either into Hitler if you’re a woman or Shirley Temple if you’re a guy.

10.You have super strength like Samson (If your hair gets cut you lose your powers.) but you’ve also just been diagnosed with cancer.

11.Your super power is that your boobs are long and stretchy and you can control them like a separate pair of arms.

12.  You “initiate” your ability by rubbing your vagina real fast yelling, “DAM IT UP!” and then you turn into a life sized beaver.

13. You “initiate” your ability by “pumping” your penis a few times yelling, “WHIRL IT UP!” You’ll sprout 5 other penises that grow in size and shape. They’ll start spinning  around fast like helicopter. You’ll fly around effectively making you a Helicockter. (And yes I just used the word Helicockter.)

That’s all I have.


About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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2 Responses to Useless Superpowers and Other Abilities

  1. dude….what? come on. I know, from reading your past blogs, you can do so much better than this. And yeah. As a woman with boobs, the idea of stretching them to do what I want, is, well, uncomfortable. As boobs are in general, btw. And I say this as a DD, cuz I’m fat right now from my surgery.

    • MaximumWage says:

      Well I shall strive to do better! Who is not to say that if your boobs stretched it wouldn’t hurt? hmmm? YOU ARE NOT FAT! Don’t even talk to me right now about that. I hope your surgery went well BTW! I promise not to have any more lame posts… Ok I can’t promise that but still you know what I mean.

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