And now onto some activities you haven’t tried.
- As a single woman, ignore all advances from prospective mates. Live alone, acquire cats. Acquire more cats. Grow out hair, don’t wash or brush it. Complete your transformation to a cat lady after you turn 45.
- As a single man, go out and buy plaid, LOTS OF PLAID. Grow out beard and wear a beanie. Become a logger. Transformation to Paul Bunyan complete. (Also go out and paint a bull blue but be careful.)
- PART 1: Carry around two cups and string:
- PART 2: If you find yourself in a crowded room and your cell phone or another cell phone goes off, reach for your 2 cups and a string. “Answer” the call, if the phone keeps ringing switch cups and yell louder, “HELLO!” Turn to everyone around you and say, “must not be my phone.”
- If anyone is suspicious that you are the owner of something, lick it and say, “its mine now.” The more you do this with children and animals the better.
- As an adult show up uninvited to a baby shower wearing a onesie. You’ll get free food and people will like your costume.
- While shopping with your friends, go out and buy some stilts and crutches and walk around playing “King of the hill” in the park. On special occasions do it drunk.
- Wear only a Halloween mask into a bank, or take road flares and a turban onto a plane.
- Light your farts.
- Bring an abacus to your math final.
- Bring a shovel and shotgun to your daughters wedding.
- Bring mono to a college party.
Don’t do this one: