This One Time in College I Uncovered a Secret Cult.


Keep in mind that this “cult” was harmless.

I was a social butterfly in college. Mostly due to the fact that I took a few years off  to work, as well as being in theatre/improv. I was a 23 year old sophomore, I had more confidence than your average kid in college and could buy alcohol. I certainly wasn’t a male model as far as looks go, but I didn’t look like Quasimodo either. I went to a university in Washington State that will remain nameless. I was unusually popular due to my involvement in theater and I was funny (Apparently that means people like you). I moved seamlessly out of different social circles, but I had two main guy friends that I hung out with most of the time. Their names were Carl and Nate.

Carl and Nate lived in a 3 room apt on campus and had one guy they didn’t know take up the last room for what was his last semester. Since I was always over there I got to know him too. His name was Carl as well. (we’ll call him Carl2)



One day I’m hanging out with my buddies, and Carl2 comes bolting through the door. “Moses you are not going to believe what I just heard about you!” ” I was getting ready for my scuba class and I heard these three girls talking about you.”

Girl 1: “Even though I’m secretly engaged to my boyfriend I have the biggest crush on Moses.”

Girl 2: “Holy shit yes, Moses is so fucking hot.”

Girl 3: “Yeah, he-

“And thats where I interrupted them and asked, wait how do you know Moses?! I’m sorry man, they clammed up after I opened my mouth, realizing that I knew you. They walked away giving me dirty looks. I dont even know their names,” Carl2 blurted out.

We spent the next 5 hours looking through year books to try and figure out who she was, (Facebook came out the next year) and he really couldn’t be sure who the girls were.  The girls he identified were women I didnt know.

Things begin to get strange.

I knew Carl2 wasn’t pulling my leg when I started doing my own research. I started asking around to guys and girls I knew. (Bad mistake) What was really really really weird is that after a few days I found women I didn’t even know giving me the cold shoulder. A few women I did know, stopped talking to me all together. I would be walking down a hallway and a group of women would duck into a classroom to avoid me. At the Cafeteria I ate alone. (Poor me right?)

One of my professors (who was a woman), said she knew of a girl who was secretly engaged and liked me. The kicker? She wouldn’t tell me her name even though I begged and pleaded.

One night after a rehearsal I’m walking back to my dorm, its a dark cold night but I have my trademark miltary surplus wool jacket on to keep the cold out. I have ear buds in, these kind to be specific:


Side note: whats interesting about these ear buds is that if the music is off, you can hear clearly any conversation around you.

So there I am walking back to the dorm, and out of the nearby student center walk two women that I know. I turn off the music on my Ipod in anticipation of saying hello. I emerge from the darkness and hear “does Moses know?” “No, but we can’t have any meetings for a while.”

What the hell!? At this point I decided to fake it. I knew they were talking about me, so as I got closer to them I waved and kept on walking into the student center. When they did intially see me their reactions went from horror (at seeing me) to elation (when they saw that I had ear buds in). Which confirmed my suspicions.

My schedule got busy as hell in the next few weeks, between the midterms and a play I was in I didn’t have time to be thinking about what was going on. Towards the end of the semester I ended up getting a pretty nice girl friend. The women who had previously stopped talking to me were now my friends again. I stopped caring mostly because things were back to normal.

The Reveal.

About 4 years after graduating I’m at a friends wedding. A female friend of mine (we’ll call her Fran) spills the beans on the whole operation (mostly because she was drunk).

Apparently some freshman girl upon seeing me in an improv show her first week at school decided to start a secret fan club about me. (She had done the same thing in highschool for some other boy and wanted to keep the tradition going I guess) Fran explained that at some point there were 20 or more women in this group, mostly from one dorm. They would meet and discuss who I made out with at some party over the weekend, where I would be at a certain time of day and who I currently liked.

I was flattered, but I asked “what happened to it all?’ “The meetings stopped after everyone thought you had found out about the club.” I explained to her everything that had happened that semester from my perspective and had a good laugh over it.

College girls are silly.



About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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12 Responses to This One Time in College I Uncovered a Secret Cult.

  1. Luubke says:

    Popular little mister, weren’t you?
    A fan club of girls, most guys would dream about that! And I didn’t know you are/were an actor?!

  2. List of X says:

    “It stopped when you found out about it…” Well, are you 100% sure there isn’t a secret fan club of your blog followers, discussing your every post?

  3. themodernidiot says:

    sounds like you dodged a stalker bullet 🙂

  4. Ashana M says:

    That’s probably the creepiest story I have ever heard. I think if you played this up a little, you could come me a pretty frightening horror story.

  5. Well golly gee stud! Can’t say I ever had a secret club created for me! Gotta get on that…

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