Workouts and Workout Tips For Weight Warriors!


Catty

Here are some helpful tips for people just now starting your new years resolutions; as well for people looking for new workout strategies.

1. “Re-creation Workout”

  • Wake up at 5 am.
  • eat a small breakfast.
  • RUN A FUCKING MARATHON.
  • DIE FROM A HEART ATTACK AT MILE 19.
  • REINCARNATE as CHANNING TATUM’S SON.

2. “The Nice looking Butt Workout.”

  • Go to the gym.
  • Do 160 squats.
  • Get butt implants.
  • Walk into the gym the next day and wow everyone with my new physique.
  • If anyone asks just say, “Hard work and determination pays off!”

3. “The Spartan Workout”

  • Age regress to 7 using black magic.
  • Time travel to ancient Sparta using time machine.
  • Learn ancient Greek using Rosetta stone.
  • Go through rigorous ancient spartan training program and DON’T DIE.
  • Profit.

4. “The New Years Resolute Workout.”

  • Resolve to workout more in January
  • Resolve to workout more and eat less in May
  • Resolve to workout more, eat less and stop drinking beer in September
  • Resolve to to take a break from everything in October 1.
  • January repeat cycle.

5. “The Shock and Awe Workout.”

  • Join the military.
  • Go to boot camp.
  • Have drill instructor yell at you for being fat.
  • Lose the fat.
  • Quit the military.

6. “The Ball Gag.”

  • Eat a normal breakfast.
  • Eat a normal lunch.
  • Have a nice Cardio centered workout after being at work and sitting down all day.
  • At 6pm. Calmly put on a giant Ball Gag.

7. “The Oregon Trail Diet”

  • Die Of Dysentery.
  • Restart the game and play as a banker and survive.
  • Get off the computer and go for a run.

8. “The Bad Ass Workout.”

  • Create a secret word.
  • Every time I hear the secret word I do 10 pushups and 10 situps.
  • Create secret identity.
  • Fight Crime.
  • Every time a criminal says the secret word I kick their ass.

 

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About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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4 Responses to Workouts and Workout Tips For Weight Warriors!

  1. I’m guessing you partake in either six or four. Six has some interesting aspects going for it, but I dunno. Just what kind of exercise would I be getting after the ball gag extravaganza?

    • MaximumWage says:

      Lots of anal sex… Its not something I recommend for the feint hearted.. I didn’t put it in the description because lets be honest, not many people like ball gags and anal sex.

  2. Based on massive amounts of porn out there, I’d have to guess that some do. But you’re right, not for the “feint” hearted.

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