Lets Talk About Forts Some More!


If you haven’t seen my the first post please click here.

Ok, now that you’re all caught up lets continue with our regularly scheduled blog post.

Island Fort

FORT4

  • Ultimate Defense rating level 10, because even zombies flying helicopters would have a hard time attacking this fort.
  • What if I’m afraid of heights? (I’m not but what if my friends are?)
  • When the tide comes in, the ladder will float away. That’s an obvious design flaw.
  • 360 degree view.
  • Fishing is possible but most food will have to be stockpiled.

Overall I give this magnificent fort a 10 on the bakers dozen scale. The only major downside is that its photo shopped and not real. 😦

THE ROCK TOP FORT

kickassfort

HOLY SHIT!

  • Upside: Cardio everyday
  • Downside: Cardio everyday
  • You can carve out other rooms and areas for activities inside that huge fricking rock.
  • An actual TOWER on top! Its like a cherry on top!
  • A great place to house all of your flying monkeys.
  • If anyone is man enough to attack this place, invite them up after they get to the top with a beer and snicker doodles.

I give this fort a Miss Universe Title.

And the last one:

CastleHat

As you can see in the picture above, wearing a castle on top of your head is not the same as building a decent emotional fort.

Whats an emotional Fort?

Lets say you’re at work and Jerry the ass hat decides he’s gonna mention for the 12th time how fat you are. Hurts doesn’t it? Well with a properly constructed emotional fort, you too can weather hurtful comments from Jerry and even put him in his place.

What do you need to do?

GIVE UP

No wait I mean GIVE UP ALCOHOL.

Liquor

No more liquor or beer. You gotta concentrate on keeping your mind healthy.

We achieve this by:

Working out

pushup

Eating right

SAlad

AND toughening your exterior,

I prefer to wear football pads and hulk hands for at least 3 hours everyday.

Emotionalforts

There is a mind body connection written down in a scientific book somewhere so just trust me on this one.

You can also learn a skill. The top 3 social skills I recommend are Dancing, singing and telling jokes. Be sure to spend a year honing 1 of these three.

So after improving your self confidence, weight and mental status you’ll be able to look Jerry straight in the eye and say:

thatsrightbitch

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About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
This entry was posted in Jobs, Life and the American Way and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Lets Talk About Forts Some More!

  1. Pyx says:

    The first fort made me nervous – some boy scout could come along and push it over.

  2. Yes, but what a wonderful fantasy.

  3. zorgor says:

    sure I can imagine that’s me, but her boobs are better than mine.

  4. um, this comment might be a little too deep, but i was having a super rough day (all the emotional forts had caved in and been burned to the ground) and both these fort blogs made me smile. so thank you.

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