Characters I’ve Been Working On.


I’m not technically a character actor.

Once in a blue moon I’ll bust out a character to either do an impression, make fun of someone or to make a point. I use them so often I probably don’t even realize it. The stock characters I use I’ll describe below.

The Nerd with a heart of Gold:

“Well of course I saved those orphans, I saved them from having to do linear equations a year early. I’m that great at teaching math.”

“Well let me just convert inches to millimeters and, yep my dick is still very short.”

That one gay voice I do:

Every comedian has one now a days. I use mine to say things I don’t normally say, for instance: “Those drapes in your room are so gorgeous.”

I also use it to mock annoying women who are drunk and in bars. “OMG YES I do watch Pretty little Liars!”

The Idiot Redneck:

I use this one to make fun of myself or a typical American. Say I got a speeding ticket on the way to trivia night.

” I didn’t know my John Deere tractor could go that fast officer!”

“Is there a book I could read that lets me know every year what the physical and fashion trends are in the gay community so that as a straight man I don’t do them? “Yes, I’m asking for a gay trade journal.”

I also use it in political settings but it gets inappropriate fast.

Herr German efficiency:

“Vood you like me to do ze dishes? Or just clean everyzing up and take over your entire house?”

I don’t use this one that often, cause I don’t offer to clean that much.

Proper Englishman:

To make fun of manners, form and responsibility.

Here is a list of Characters I’ve been working on:

A guy named Paul Deen who is a chef and only likes working with Black people. He also carries around white guilt like a neckerchief around his neck.

A guy named Jimmy Dean who buys old horses and dogs. He buys them to save them bu he is vague about what he ACTUALLY DOES with them. And he’s always hungry.(Eventually the company Jimmy Dean sausage contacts him to stop doing ads.)

Patrick the Starfish from Nickelodeon’s Sponge bob square pants sings karaoke to “Part  of your world” From The Little Mermaid. (you guys have no idea how great this one is, its truly something remarkable. If I ever audition for SNL I’d definitely do this one.)


About MaximumWage

I don't wear shoes. And I habitually reinvent myself, like the wheel.
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One Response to Characters I’ve Been Working On.

  1. Hmmm no I Paddy Irishman? Lol

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