So I started writing down all those things I’ve said that may or may not be funny. YOU DECIDE. And yes I know its quite egotistical to quote yourself, what can I say? I’m pretty awesome.
For the record I’d never quote myself in real life. I’m only doing it on this blog where you don’t know who I am or where I come from.
“I try to give everyone an opportunity to make me look stupid, but sometimes I beat them to it.”
“If you google my real name you’ll find a famous rabbi from the 1800s and a mediocre UFC fighter. If you google chiwetel ejiofor you ONLY get ONE Chiwetel Ejiofor.”
“I feel bad that we’ve come up with “muffin top” for fat women, what about when fat dudes wear shorts and they ride up in the crotch area while walking? We gotta come up with a cool name for that! Equality!”
“It sucks when I realize that the more fun I have on the weekend, the harder it is to go to work on Monday.”
“I want ANOTHER tax refund. Why do I have to wait ANOTHER year?”
“If Katy perry could go ahead and have a nip slip that would be great.”
“It seems like the more money I make the faster it disappears. Looks like I was meant to be poor forever.”
“Well Of course she liked me, I’m pretty fucking adorable.”
“We’re all mentally ill or a crazy, some of us are just better at hiding it than others.”
“I love her YouTube videos, she’s really smart. Her weird haircut throws me off a little but love is blind.”
“Man you’re so clumsy it’s like, “go get a clown suit already.”
Maximum Wage 
“Well Of course he liked me, I’m pretty fucking adorable.”
I use this line ALL the time.
Not funny – just true ^.^ bahaha
Haha you are adorable, if ANYONE and I mean ANYONE says otherwise they’re just a walking talking hitler lover.
Definitely true story!
I suppose if you paid taxes twice a year, you might be entitled to a second refund.
You know, no one said you could bring logic into this… OK?