Dear Canadian Prime Minister,
I know what your real name is because I googled it. I’ve decided to call you Canadian Prime minister because it makes this open letter sound more ominous.
Hey, its me Moses.
I’ve decided to become Canadian and here are some things I’ve done.
- I jerked off to a photo of Dave Coulier with a mullet.
- Watched Jeopardy and basked in the glory of his highness Lord Alex Trebek.
- Put some maple syrup on my pancakes. (It wasn’t from Vermont)
- Watched Hockey
- Called money “Loonies” and didn’t call a person a loonie.
- Drank beer that came from Canada.
- Hid out in a walk in freezer for a 8 months to simulate a Canadian winter.
- Converted everything to the metric system. (WHICH WAS REALLY HARD)
- Went in to a hospital and PAID NOTHING for healthcare. I think it was free.
- I laughed once at a recent Mike Myers movie.
- I apologize frequently and am polite.
I’m willing to trade Alaska if it means citizenship. I might not technically be able to make the trade but I’ve got a can do attitude and a willingness to work.
Anyway, I know you’re busy with Canadian stuff so if you could go ahead and get back to me when you get a chance. My only alternative to an open Canadian citizenship process would be to just marry some random Canadian girl. WHICH I WILL DO, if forced.
Hopefully your new citizen.