Tidbits of information concerning Christmas and Santa Claus.

• Santa Claus is fat, NOT because he doesn’t exercise, but rather because someone has to keep the elf population under control.

• So apparently in India poor families use Cow turds as fuel for fires. So that’s why kids in India act awful, they want coal in their stocking. I’m sure the cow shit gets old quick.

• Mrs Claus has it the worst, cooking and cleaning all year for a lazy fat ass who only works 1 day a year.

• I’d rather share a birthday with Jesus, then share a name with Tom Cruise.

• Santa Claus’ job would make a great cover for an assassin…. jus sayin.

• Financially speaking, I always wondered if Jesus meant to be born during the golden quarter.

• Christmas is a great time of year to send cards catching up with old friends. However because my life is so boring, most years I make up stuff to put in the card. This year I helped kill Osama bin Laden and Steve Jobs.

• They say Christmas is a time of year for giving to charity. I say April 15th is.

• So Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate Christmas huh?…. Well I guess I know what religion to be if I ever have kids, I’m so cheap.

• Speaking of kids. Ladies, the only gift that keeps on giving is child support payments.

On a more serious note, Christmas really is a time for giving and family, also try to remember people without families or the ability to give. If you do that, I will love you forever.