Once upon a time I was in college,
And like many young men in college I had to make a decision about my major. Being the extrovert and funny person that I am I decided to go with a Theatre Arts Major. I love making people laugh and have a great time performing. The only problem is that I didn’t do Theatre in High school and really knew nothing about Theatre performance art.
It was during the second semester of my sophomore year that I received the good news that I had won a part in our school’s Theatre production of a classical Shakespearean era play. During the first meet and greet with the director and the cast I was kindly told to go and purchase some “makeup.” Makeup? What?! I’m not doing any tranny dances in this play? I quickly scanned my copy of the script asking, “Where does it say I have to wear makeup?” The director and the other actors laughed at my ignorance. “Putting on makeup is part of theatre… Its part of the “illusion,” I was told.
After the first dress rehearsal and never having really put makeup on, I looked like an over tanned Guido zombie. It was a complete art accident or as I like to call it an Artcident. As part of my notes I was told to tone down my new “look” and to go purchase some baby wipes. which afford an easier removal of the makeup.
The next day at the grocery store I have my box of baby wipes on the conveyor, I’m waiting in line and a young woman with a baby shows up behind me. Upon seeing the baby wipes she exclaims, “oh you have kids too!?” “No” I said offering no further explanation. “Well then why are you buying baby wipes?” She asked with suspicion. WHAT I wanted to say was, “Oh I’m in a play and I was ordered to purchase some to remove my makeup because I’m new to putting on makeup.” What I really said was……nothing….. Absolute silence and cricket noises. Which of course MADE IT 10X more awkward. The woman gave me the most suspicious stares like I was buying baby wipes to clean up a murder or to wipe the ass of an infant I had just kidnapped.
So that’s it. That’s my story. I hope you don’t use this against me.
Thanks,
Moses.
PS I don’t talk to people in line at grocery stores anymore.
I’ve heard baby wipes are used for LOTS of things other than babies.
They take camo off quite well also, don’t feel bad.
Haha, well now I dont feel so bad. Thanks!