Here are some observations on life and a few other things a long the way. Enjoy!
Also here are part one and two. And yes I do plan on doing more of these. Also in advance I apologize for the racist joke.
Interrupting me:
Whenever I’m trying to tell a funny story and you interrupt me to tell your own, I’ll spend the rest of the evening thinking up a good burn on you that everyone will laugh at. SO DON’T DO IT!
On saying “God Bless you” when I sneeze:
I don’t see you saying that when I fart, and let me tell you I can’t control when I fart either.
When people use Soda or Pop or Coke:
Who cares what you call it? I never understood the American concept of turning fellow Americans into foreigners based on the different words they use for things.
Unicycles:
They said I would never learn to ride a bike. I showed them, I learned to ride the wheel.
Animals as they are being led to the slaughterhouse:
Cows: “YOU NEED ME! You need me to make milk! I know my production has been slipping just give me another chance!”
Pigs: “You need me to taste better! AND I’m not FAT ENOUGH!”
Chickens: “Hey guys they have food here!”
Different kinds of houses:
I would love a beaver house! A nice house on the water with a entrance that you had to swim to get inside. Sure the mold would be a problem BUT NO black people!
Fire hydrants and Firefighters:
Two things with the same job, to sit around until someone needs you.
Kids:
“Kids have their whole lives to waste in front of them.”
Songs:
Some songs get stuck in your head and others you can’t remember the artist or the name of the song. Maybe I’m just getting old.
Maximum Wage 
You still got it. Keep pumping them out.